Correspondence
by emikae
Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he take things into his own hands, and owls Voldemort to see if he is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens... Complete!
1. Severus Makes an Angry Canary

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Completely told in the form of letters.

Chapter One- Severus Makes An Angry Canary

Dear Lord Voldemort-

Salutations! How are things going with your loyal followers? Please pass my regards on to Wormtail. Since I haven't been getting any mail from my friends lately, I was wondering if you have been intercepting my mail. A reply by owl post would be greatly appreciated.

-Harry Potter

Harry Potter-

I was most surprised by your letter. Things are going fine with my Death Eaters, although some of them are getting a little restless. Perhaps it is time for a raid... Wormtail sends his best, and I don't have any record of ordering anyone to intercept your mail. Although a newer recruit could be doing it to get higher up. I shall ask around. How would I reply if not by owl post?

-Lord Voldemort.

Lord Voldemort-

Try not to kill to many muggles. I hope that you are fine, and please pass my regards on to Wormtail. How is your dear snake Nagini? Thanks for asking around about my letters. I didn't want a reply in person, as my muggle relatives don't take to kindly to wizards, and probably don't like Dark Lords any better.

-Harry Potter

Harry Potter-

The raid got canceled. Wormtail and I are fine, and Nagini is a little unhappy because she tried to eat Wormtail in his rat form, and he transformed. I believe she is off hunting for rats. Maybe I shall catch her a muggle, although those tend to give her indigestion and Severus doesn't like brewing digestive potions for snakes. You have to stay with muggles during the hols? You have my condolences. I would offer for you to come and visit me, but there's the whole I'm-evil-and-you-fight-for-the-light-and-Dumbledore-wouldn't-be-pleased thing. Still no news on your mail. Perhaps they are simply not replying?

-Lord Voldemort

Lord Voldemort-

I've written them three times in the past week, and they haven't replied at all. The only time when I didn't get any mail from them was when Dobby was trying to keep me from returning to Hogwarts. They probably all hate me for dragging them to the ministry and getting them hurt and put on you People to Kill List. Yes, I do stay with the muggles, and they tend to 'forget' to feed me, and I'm running out of food. It's better than last year because some people threatened them. Do you mind if I threaten to go dark if they don't write back?

-Harry

Harry-

They probably don't hate you. I don't have a people to kill list, although it's a good idea. I'll have to run that by Nagini. Isn't your birthday in a couple of weeks? Perhaps they are waiting to surprise you. Go ahead and threaten to go dark, but heed this, Dumbledore will be told, and you'll be dragged to his office where he'll tell you all about why you want to fight for the light.

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

I'll do it anyway, and tell Dumbledore that it was only to get them to write. Sorry, but not all muggles are bad. Sort of like wizards, so are good, some are bad. My uncle and my aunt lean towards the bad side. Of course it could be because I'm a wizard, bit I doubt that. Most of the residents of Privet Drive aren't too nice; most of them are shallow. But then again so is Lucius Malfoy, and Lavender Brown. I'll be sending off owls to Ron and Hermione, but I've told Hedwig to deliver yours first. I'm supposed to be learning Occulmency to keep you out of my head, but all I was told was to clear my mind and push who ever was in it out. Do you have any tips? Obviously it didn't work very well.

-Harry

Harry-

Try meditation for your Occulmency. Perhaps in a few weeks I shall try to break in and see how well you've advanced. The enclosed book is on meditation, try in and see how it helps. The cookies were baked by my house elf, and I'm positive they are not poisoned or cursed, although the elf hasn't made a normal batch of cookies in a while There were three doz., but I got hungry, and had a few. I hope you don't mind, they tasted fine, and I don't feel poisoned, so they should be fine.

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

Thank you for the cookies, they are quite good. I've started meditating, and I believe that it is helping. Although I may go on an excursion to Diagon Alley to get some books and such. After I get my Hogwarts letter perhaps. The sweets are not cursed, they are muggle candies that I stole from my cousin. He is on a diet so he shouldn't miss them. The pastries, on the other hand ARE cursed. Just a harmless little prank courtesy of the Weasley twins. Feed one to Snape for me?

-Harry

Harry-

I enjoyed the sweets, I may have to don a disguise and venture into the muggle world to get some for myself. I hope that you cousin did not notice the missing. You could always tell him that you sent them to an evil Dark Lord, and he can come and get them himself if he wants them. Severus makes the most angry canary. I did not tell him where I had gotten it. I don't think it would go over well with him. Any news from your friends?

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

No news from them. Ron hasn't written back at all, and it's been an entire week. Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday, and I will be most disappointed in them is he doesn't send me anything. That reminds me, I have to owl Neville to wish him a happy birthday too. His is the day after mine. I should write back and tell them that I was kidding. If you want to get some more joke sweets, I can get some from the twin, I financed their shop with the winnings from the tri-wizard contest.

-Harry

Neville-

Happy birthday! I know that yours is near mine, that day after I think, so just thought that I'd tell you happy birthday. What are you doing for it? I think that I may sneak off to Diagon Alley for my birthday to treat myself. Don't tell anyone though.

-Harry P.

Harry-

Happy Birthday to you too. Gran is having a few relatives over, and We're going to see mum and dad the next day. Thanks for not telling anyone about them last year when you found out. I'm glad that you respected my feelings, and I'm sorry that Sirius fell through that veil. See you at Hogwarts!

-Neville

Harry-

Harry birthday. You're sixteen now. Only one more year before you can curse your relatives! Sorry, I know, you're too Gryffindor to do that. I can only hope. So have you gotten your OWLs yet? Just curious to know how you did. So you funded a joke shop with the winnings? How nice. I hope you don't mind the card. I told the Death Eaters that it was a card for a fellow Death Eater, and it's true, Avery's birthday is in a week, Avery will be getting a duplicate, they didn't write anything too bad on it. Do you like the picture? Did any of your friends write you?

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

Thank you for the card. The snake is a rather nice touch especially as I can talk with it. I got my OWLs, but I'm a bit afraid to open them. I probably should, but I'll get around to it, probably before I go to Diagon Alley. Would you mind telling me if you are planning to do any attacks on Diagon Alley? I'm a bit worried about getting hit by a stray killing curse.

-Harry

Harry-

I'm not planning any attacks on Diagon Alley; it's too well protected, although there'll be a Death Eater following you. I'm not sure if it's for your protection, or to make Dumbledore mad. Probably a mixture of both. So could you pick me up a few things from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes? There's some money for you, all you have to do is go up to the front counter at Gringotts and request the money for Harry Potter from Tom. There is also a list there. I believe that there is enough money, I had Wormtail go in and get a owl order catalogue. Just open your OWLs it can't be that bad. IF you tell me yours I'll tell you Draco's.

-Lord V.

Dear Mr. Potter.

Enclosed are your owl results and a list of the books you will require for your classes. Please select which classes you wish to take, and reply by no later then August 5.

Term begins on September 1. The Hogwarts train leaves from platform 9¾ at eleven in the morning. See you at the feast!

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

_Deputy Headmistress_

OWL results for:

**Harry James Potter**

**Charms:**

Practical: O

Theory: E

Overall: O

**Transfiguration:**

Practical: E

Theory: E

Overall: O

**Potions:**

Practical: O

Theory: E

Overall: O

**Defense Against The Dark Arts:**

Practical: O

Theory: O

Overall: O

**Care of Magical Creatures:**

Practical: O

Theory: O

Overall: O

**Astronomy:**

Practical: E (see below)

Theory: A

Overall: O

**Divination:**

Practical: P

Theory: A

Overall: A

**History Of Magic:**

Theory: A

Overall: A

Eleven out of Fifteen possible OWLs.

Note: Due to Event during the Practical Astronomy exam, the results have been altered, your actual score was A. Have a nice summer!

Dear Mr. Potter, please send us a letter telling us which Newts you would like to take. You may continue History of Magic and Divination, if you please, I wish to remind you that to become an Auror you need to take at least Five NEWTs. Charms, Transfiguration, Potions, Defense Against The Dart Arts, are the classes recommended for an Auror.

Professor McGonagall-

I wish to continue with my studies in every class except for Divination. I wish to drop that. Thank you.

-Harry Potter

Lord V.-

I opened my OWLs Happy? I got eleven. How did you do all those years ago? I'm running off to Diagon Alley now. Who's going to be shadowing me? Sorry the letter's short.

-Harry

A/N: Done. I don't know where this came from, but I like it. What do you think?


	2. Uncle Voldemort?

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Two- Uncle Voldemort?!?

Last Time

Lord V.-

I opened my OWLs Happy? I got eleven. How did you do all those years ago? I'm running off to Diagon Alley now. Who's going to be shadowing me? Sorry the letter's short.

-Harry

Harry-

Eleven OWLs? Well done. Draco got thirteen. Do remember that he has a slight problem with his father. I believe that Draco doesn't really want to join my cause. Do you know that he is completely taken with your friend, Hermione? He insults her constantly so as to remind himself of what his father would do if he found out. I do feel rather sorry for the boy. I don't really want him to join if he doesn't want to because then I'll have to be constantly watching him. Being an evil dark Lord is not as easy as it looks. Its all work, work, work, all the time. Making sure that your power hungry followers stay loyal, trying to conquer the world without killing too many people. I don't want to gain complete control, only to have the muggle species become extinct. There there'd be repopulating the world with my Death Eaters, and the only female is Bellatrix, and any children of hers should be drowned. I'm truly sorry for how she killed Sirius. He wasn't supposed to come. If it helps, I have a spy in the Department of Mysteries, and he says that Sirius is the most recent person to fall through the veil, and they have almost found a way to bring people back through.

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

Really? I wouldn't mind having Sirius back. I feel a bit guilty for casting Cruciatus on her. I wasn't really thinking then. You saw, you were in my head. Would you mind passing the enclosed note along to her? Thanks. I do agree, having to repopulate the world with Bellatrix is a horrifying thought. Draco likes Hermione!?! How? What? I don't believe it at all. I do suppose that world domination is a rather hard task to accomplish. It's never worked before. Are you sure that Draco doesn't want to join up? If he doesn't he is an excellent actor.

-Harry

Harry-

I am positive. A good actor he may be, but he can't occulde his mind at all. That reminds me? How is that going. Your shadow reported that you bought a number of books. Quite a few of them in Knockturn Alley too. Might I ask what you were doing down there? It's not safe. Especially since you are the boy-who-lived! One of my Death Eaters might snatch you, torture you a bit and then either kill you, or bring you to me so I can perform the honors. Strange as it may be, I find that I enjoy writing to you. Ugh. The Dark Lord is pen pals with the savior for light. Lucius would freak.

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

Lucius would freak?! Dumbledore would go insane. After he arranged for a bed right in-between the Longbottoms and Lockhart. Which would be utter torture is he is starting to get his memory back. Never did like the git. Thinking of bad Defense teachers, I was wondering if you knew which side Delores Umbridge is on. I have I must not tell lies engraved on the back of my hand, so I was wondering, because she certainly seems evil enough.

-Harry

Harry-

To my knowledge, Ms. Umbridge is in the side for the light. I shall put her on my people to kill list for you though. A bed in St. Mungo's between the Longbottoms and Lockhart, yes definitely bad. I don't so much as mind the Longbottoms, they were great people, I just had them on the side against me, but the Lockhart fellow, I heard of him, and his stories are utter garbage. That, my friend, coming from a Dark Lord, is bad. Wormtail explained to me about how Lockhart chased after you. Have you heard, he was gay before he lost his memory, now THAT is an unpleasant thought. Apparently he had a 'thing' for Lucius Malfoy, and Michael Jackson tendencies. How Dumbledore let him teach students... Perhaps he didn't know. What did you do to get I must not tell lies engraved on your hand?

-Lord V.

Harry-

I was joking about the putting Umbridge on my people to kill list. Nagini hasn't decided if she wants it or not.

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

Please, please, do not tell me things about Lockhart that I do not want to know! EWWWWWW! Now that I think of it, I did see him 'lurking' around the dungeons a few times. Maybe you should get Professor Snape drunk and find out about it... The first time was because I told her that you were back, she didn't believe me, maybe you should send her a Howler. That'd be funny. The second time was for telling her that Quirrel was a great teacher, except for the minor drawback of having you sticking out of the back of his head. Then the third time because I gave the interview to Rita Skeeter about the night that you returned. Now that I think of it, she doesn't seem the loyal-to-you-until death type.

-Harry

Harry-

It does sound interesting about Severus and Lockhart, I'll have to look into that. She put you in detention for tell the truth? I do believe the ministry had gone insane. Or I could pay her a visit for you. Not torture her or anything, but just scare her a bit. My face seems to have that effect. Maybe break into her house, scare her, put the Dark Mark over her place and leave. You have made a fatal error. Most of my Death Eaters are from **Slytherin**. They most certainly not the loyal until death sort. They're power hungry and only loyal to me as long as they think I will win. The few from Hufflepuff are usually Loyal, but there aren't many from the house. School starts up soon, doesn't it?

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

You have a valid point about the loyalties of your followers. Umbridge was abducted by centaurs and the sound of hoofbeats scares her. Maybe hit her with a few curses, not serious ones, weak ones. I can't believe that I wrote that. Me, the savior for the light, suggesting things to the Dark Lord. What is the world coming to? This summer, I decided to stay at the Dursley's all summer because I'm not ready to see my friends just yet. School doesn't start for another two weeks. I think I've managed to shield my mind. I've got a nice wall around it that should keep you out. Care to try?

-Harry

Harry-

I tried when you were sleeping last night, and I couldn't get in. I believe that Severus is a Legimins, so be careful. He can't find out that you are corresponding with me. I did talk to him about Lockhart, and apparently there was one incident in the potions classroom where Severus ended up cursing Lockhart's hair straight. Apparently Severus is straight, I was wondering about that. He never had a significant other. Although at school, it did look like he had something for your mother. He thought I'd not allow it. I would have, I like Lily's eye's myself, reminded me of Slytherin. I'm sure you don't want to know this. If I send you some muggle money, could you get me some more of those candy bars?

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

I don't mind at all. They cost about fifty pence each, about five knuts. So send me enough and I'll get it taken care of. There's a wholesale outlet near Privet Drive, so I should be able to get you a lot. So Professor Snape fancied my mum? Interesting... If I can keep you out of my mind, should I be able to keep Dumbledore out of it? I hate to do this, but if I am to continue to write to you, I can't be writing to Lord V. It's a little obvious. Do you mind if I refer to you as Tom? The only one who might catch on would be Ginny. I think she okay at seeing the good in people. That is, if they haven't turned on me.

-Harry

Harry-

I can tell that you're getting depressed. Do you know what happens with depressed students at Hogwarts who go suicidal? They get stuck with Severus. Do you want that? I'm sure your friends have a valid reason for not writing. I need someone to write to. I can't very well go and start writing to Dumbledore, now can I? Might be able to write to Ginny. Although the fact that my diary possessed her might make her a little wary. Refer to me as Tom. If you must.

-Tom (Shudder)

Tom-

Your name apparently means twin. You don't happen to have a twin out there somewhere? Wonder if you do, and wonder if he/she is on the light, or for the dark. If they're for the light, then it would be like yin and yang. I think. I'm not too sure about that. Sort of like balanced forces. I can look into that if you like. All you have to do is tell me the name of the orphanage that you were at. I wish I had a twin. Then I'd have someone to talk to. The picture of the Snake doesn't say very much. Wish I had a real snake. Not only would it scare my aunt, but I could talk to it.

-Harry

Harry-

You mentioned that you wanted a snake. I was recently in Brazil, and I found a python that said a young speaker had set her free from a muggle zoo. She has made a lovely home there, and one of her young decided to go back to her mother's home country. So there you go. She hasn't got a name, but was chattering non-stop about going to meet you, so I decided that I would curse you with her. (Not literally.) She's quite small, I'm not sure how fast she'll grow, and I'm feeling too lazy to go and look it up. So enjoy her, and don't tell where you got her!

-Tom

Tom-

Thanks for the snake. She says that she can get up to thirty feet long. I've named her Oholibamah, and she wants to learn how to read in English. Do you think it wise to do so? Dudley saw her, and must have recognized her. She does look like her mum. HE shrieked so loud, but Oholibamah just wrapped herself around my wrist. Hedwig likes her because I know that she's been bringing her dead mice. Things are going well, except for that fact that I have to return to school in a week.

-Harry

Harry-

I'm sorry. I forgot to mention the name of the orphanage, it's St. Mary's and you're not to tell anyone that you know this. I like what you've named her. It reminds me of Noah's ark for some reason. Why don't you go to London a day or so early and look around, see the sights, and such. Sneak off though, people have been watching your house. So far I've just seen Mundungus Fletcher. I have no idea why he's following you around, but he is.

-Tom

Tom-

He's Dumbledore's little guard over me. I've just snuck off, and am now at the park writing the by the light of the moon. Crap. Full moon. Why do I not feel happy? Oh look, a werewolf. Oh, it's just Remus. Well I'm off. Sorry it's short. The big box is your precious candy bars. I managed a wandless shrinking charm. Did you know that the ministry doesn't acknowledge wandless magic? So there's your candy, and Remus is following me and he is in wolf form for three days. It's a side effect of the Wolfsbane. Are you going to want to hear all about muggle London?

-Harry

Harry-

As I am sending this now, I hope it reaches you on the train. I would like to hear about muggle London. It sounds intriguing. That wasn't so hard to admit. Your good seems to be rubbing off on me! Thank you for picking up the sweets. Did you find anything out about my name, or did my mum just pick it for fun? How is your Remus? Wormtail says that he misses full moons. I wish that he would quit reading over my shoulder, or I may just have to portkey him into the minister's office. Ah! He's gone now. So have a good school year, and tell Dumbledore that you have a hunch that Draco might be fighting for the light. After all, I don't want to be looking after him. Lucius is enough trouble.

-Tom

Tom-

You have one sister by the name of Tabitha. She was adopted by muggles, and went to Beauxbatons and later renounced magic, and married a muggle at age thirty. They had one daughter, and she is magical. She is currently attending Hogwarts right now, and she is in sixth year and got... 14 OWLs. She is also sitting across from me making out with my best friend Ron. Would you like to know her identity? As Snape would put it, your niece is an 'insufferable know-it-all. Or, Miss Hermione Granger. How... interesting. Your sister married a MUGGLE. You're related to a, excuse the phrase, MUDBLOOD. I hope you don't take it too hard. Shall I tell Hermione, or will you?

-Harry

Tom-

Completely forgot to say, London was great. Sorry for rubbing it in. You know, that hat nearly put me in Slytherin?

-Harry

Harry-

Miss Granger? Hermione Granger? Bushy hair? Well she's smart. I wonder how she'll take the news. Maybe I should kidnap her and tell her. That wouldn't go over well at all. Hmmm. Any ideas? By the way- GET WEASLEY OFF OF MY NIECE! Perhaps that was why they weren't writing?

-Tom

Tom-

Perhaps you should just tell her the truth? I think that might work. Then she'd go to the library after owling her parents to find out if her mum is a witch. Before you ask I did check up on my facts. Once the truth comes out, you will have no problem getting Ron off of her, in fact, he would probably do it himself. Do you think she's a parseltongue? Perhaps I shall get Oholibamah to chat with her. What do you think?

-Harry

Harry-

Telling her the truth does seem like the right thing. I also looked into it and you do seem to be correct. Here's the letter I've written, what do you think?

Miss Granger-

I have recently found out that my name means 'twin', and I checked out the orphanage where I lived as a child, and sure enough, I did have a sister who was adopted at an early age. Her name was Tabitha, and she was adopted by a pair of muggles. Well, apparently, your mother is my sister. How do you feel about this revelation? I would like to get to know you better as I am a bit short on relatives, and I swear on my honor as a Dark Lord not to kill, harm, main, or murder your family. Thank you for your time.

-Sincerely, Lord Voldemort, a.k.a. Tom M. Riddle (shudder)

I think that is what I will be sending her.

-Tom

Tom-

Sounds just fine. But I would add in 'not force you to join my cause' because she's for the light. Schools' going fine, thanks for asking. Sorry, the Slytherin in me made an appearance. Are you going to want to know her reactions?

-Harry.

Harry-

I'm glad that school is fine, and I took your advice. Miss Granger should be getting my letter right about now, so pay attention and start scribbling her reaction, or perhaps you could let me in?

-Tom

Tom-

Sorry, I'm not letting you in. Okay, she just got the letter. She's opening it, and started to read. Wow. I didn't know a person could go that pale. Now she's staring at me like I'm going to hate her. I asked her what's wrong, and she said, I quote, 'Nothing. I just got some startling news.' I think I'll get her to tell me. I just told her that we need to talk. I put this away, and now we're in an unused classroom with about eighteen silencing charms and wards on the room. The following is written by a modified quick quotes quill:

quill activated

'Okay, Hermione spill." Harry said.

'It's like I said, I got some startling news.' Hermione replied nervously.

'Tell me.' Harry replied.

'I—I can't.' Hermione said softly.

'Why?' Harry asked.

'You'd hate me.' Hermione said softly.

'No I wouldn't.' Harry replied.

'You hate Malfoy.' Hermione replied.

'No I don't.' Harry replied, 'Here's a little secret, not only is Draco secretly for the light, but he has the hots for you.'

'Oh. You hate Snape.' Hermione pointed out.

'We came here to discuss you not Snape.' Harry said.

'No, you dragged me here.' Hermione replied.

'True, but you have to tell someone.' Harry said.

'Okay then. Voldemort's my UNCLE!' Hermione shouted.

'Thank you. Now that wasn't so hard, now was it?' Harry asked.

'No, it wasn't.' Hermione replied. 'Why don't you hate me?'

'If I tell you, you will have to learn Occulmency. You don't want Snape or Dumbledore finding this out.'

'Why?' Hermione asked.

'From my experience, Dumbledore is a manipulating old codger.' Harry replied.

'Fine, I'll learn Occulmency.' Hermione replied.

'I already knew.' Harry said.

'Through your connection?' Hermione asked.

'No. I was the one who found out. This summer, I wasn't getting any letters from you or Ron, so I decided to owl Voldemort to see if he was intercepting my mail. He wasn't, but we started writing back and forth, and I realized his name meant twin, and I checked it out, and so here we are.' Harry said.

'Okay. Let me get this straight. You and the Dark Lord are friends?' Hermione asked.

'I suppose that's what you'd call him. Don't tell Dumbledore, he'd freak.' Harry replied.

'Only if you keep my secret.' Hermione replied.

'Deal.' Harry said.

'Good, now, I need to write the Dark Lord a letter.' Hermione said.

Quill deactivated

And now Hermione is writing.

Uncle-

This is a little bit of a shock to me, to put it lightly. At least I know that I'm a witch because of my true grandmother. I wonder, if you're the heir to Slytherin, what does that makes me? I see that Harry has written out conversation down, so you'd know how I have reacted. I guess I don't mind, as long as I can stay on the side of the Light. Currently I don't see anything attractive about the dark when my friends parents were tortured to insanity by your followers. But that's just me. I'd be quite happy to exchange letters with you.

-Hermione Granger

Harry again

Well, she took it quite well, don't you think? Well, We're late for transfiguration, I'll send this with Hedwig. Do you want us to try the parseltongue thing?

-Harry

Harry and Hermione-

By all means try the parseltongue thing. About your letters, there was a lower ranking Death Eater trying to intercept them, but all I got was your last letter, thankfully he didn't read it. There's a charm you can put on it, Hermione, you should know it, so only I can read it. The enclosed book is for Hermione, it will help with your Occulmency, it is necessary that you get it down because we can't have Dumbledore finding out about our unique relationship. Harry, apparently Lockhart has been getting better, as I received a letter for Lucius. It was an autographed photo with a badly written love poem on it. I forwarded it. Severus should be getting one any day now. Be careful Harry, or he might remember his Michael Jackson tendencies. He's already remembered his preference for men. Poor Severus and Lucius.

-Tom

-Tom

You nearly gave Hermione a heart attack. Did you not remember that she had a crush on him? Poor Severus and Lucius?! What about me?! If he comes after me, I'll come and hide behind you. We shall see how he like Dark Lords, we already knows he likes the loyal followers. I'll help Hermione with her Occulmency, and do you have anything on Legimency I could borrow?

-Harry

Lockhart prefers men? I did not need to know that. Thanks for the book, I hope it helps, and Harry just muttered something about having a few more that might help. You do realize that you don't seem entirely evil?

-Hermione

Harry and Hermione-

You never realized that Lockhart preferred men? Not even the Michael Jackson tendencies? Tell me, what do you think all those re-enactments in class were? Sorry Harry. And Harry, If you hide behind me, and he comes after me, I will hide behind YOU. The enclosed book is on Legimency. Enjoy. Hermione, I know I'm not all evil, after all, I'm corresponding with two Gryffindors.

-Tom

Dear Reviewers-

Thank you very much for all of your reviews. I only expected one or two, and I got FOURTEEN! Thank you so very much. Obviously I am continuing, and I'm thinking that I will be putting in some conversations, but it will be mainly in letter form. I think that A Death Eater was trying to intercept Harry's letters, but he missed quite a few of them, and Ron and Hermione were a little caught up in eachother to write Harry. I meant for it to be funny, and I'm so happy that you found it so. I wasn't too sure if it was, but judging from your... I'll just shut up now.

-Emikae


	3. Of Course You're Not ALL Evil

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Three - Of Course You're Not All Evil

Last Time

Harry and Hermione-

You never realized that Lockhart preferred men? Tell me, what do you think all those re-enactments in class were? Sorry Harry. And Harry, If you hide behind me, and he comes after me, I will hide behind YOU. The enclosed book is on Legimency. Enjoy. Hermione, I know I'm not all evil, after all, I'm corresponding with two Gryffindors.

-Tom

Tom-

We do know that you are not as evil as you are. After all you didn't try and find a way to kill me in my third year. Or did you think that I'd go after Sirius and meet up with Wormtail? Or Wormtail would get me? I don't know how you think. It scares me sometimes. But hey, that's just me. Hermione's Occulmency is getting good. So is my Legimency, I haven't been able to get into Hermione's head, she is able to block me out, but I can get into Ron's head. He has the strangest thoughts!

-Harry

Harry-

I am glad that Hermione's Occulmency is good. How are Weasley's thoughts strange? Nagini sends her greetings. Has Ron been able to sense you at all? If he can't he is not that strong, or you have a natural gift for it. I wonder which. Well, I have other things to do, like find out why Hermione hasn't written.

-Tom

Tom-

Ron's thinks about the Chudley Cannons a lot, and chess. And Hermione' breasts. Something about how much he'd like to... I won't scar you for life. If you were wondering, I was just in his head, not trying to find out something, I was more, listening to his thoughts. Hermione hasn't written because she's trying to figure out her family tree, she's gotten back to the fifteen hundreds, and I believe that she is composing a letter to Ollivanders in hopes that he has some records that go father back. She says hi. And she might owl you.

Uncle-

Sorry, I've been busy. I shall try and attempt to Owl you more frequently, but I'm, still waiting for the owl from my mum, asking if I could go and have tea with a Dark Lord who up until a few weeks ago probably wanted to kill me. I saw Malfoy today, and you're right about him fancying me. Git. He tried to look down my robes, but Ron gave him a black eye. Then I gave Ron a black eye because Harry told me what he was thinking of doing to me. Perhaps I should tell him of my newly found relations. Would you mind uncle dearest?

-Hermione

Okay.... Please tell me that scared you just a little. Well, I suppose I should send this before Ron reads it. He might have a heart attack. It would be funny... Okay, I think your sense if humor is starting to rub off on me.

-Harry

Hermione-

No you may not tell Ron that I am your uncle. He would tell his parents, and they would tell Dumbledore, and then he would find out that we are writing letters, and then you'd be locked up, and I'd be forced to rescue you. Try to be kind to Malfoy, he is insecure. Not to mention that he's quite fearful of being murdered by his own house. By the way, I would try and delay him from going to his dorms on the twenty second. Crabbe mentioned something about a revolt.

-Uncle Dearest

Uncle Dearest-

Okay, I shall try and rescue Draco. I'm not sure why, it could give him some ideas. Harry told me to write my own letters to you. About the parseltongue thing, I am able to talk with snakes, it's very odd. Me and Harry are working on trying to do it without a snake, so we can carry on conversations without Ron noticing. Do you know if it is possible to 'learn' the language of snakes? About the Ron 'problem', are you positive that there is nothing to do? I like him, but I'm not sure that I like like him. It's so confusing. What's your take?

-Hermione

Harry-

HELP! Hermione just asked me for romance advice! What do I do? I don't know how! I'm the Dark LORD!! I've never liked anyone, and been in a romantic relationship before. Help!

-Tom

Tom-

First- Calm down and BREATHE. Let me break it down for you. Hermione thinks that Ron cares for her more than she does. She likes him, but Ron thinks that he might love her. Hermione isn't sure about what to do. Apparently, she looks up to you because she is asking you for advice. Okay?

-The boy who bloody lived

The boy who bloody lived-

Thank you. Do you think I should: A) offer to kill Ron. B) tell her to break up with him C) break up with him for her D) tell her to just keep going and see what happens E) have her become a DE so Ron dumps her?

-Tom

Voldie-kins-

I'd go for D. Did you ask your Death Eaters for help on this?

-Harry

Harry-

VOLDIE-KINS?? Yes, I did ask my DE's for help on this, how could you tell?

-Tom

Tom-

It was the offer to kill him, and having her join your not-so-loyal followers that tipped me off. Sorry about the name. I just thought it was funny. Although, Voldemort is a bit more scary than Voldie-kins. Maybe you should go around to muggle schools dressed as a clown, doing tricks. You could be VOLDIE-KINS: The traveling clown! I can see it now. Doing fabulous tricks, of course, using the wand hidden in your sleeve.

-Harry

Uncle Tom-

Why haven't you written? I suppose that it wasn't the best call to ask you for romantic advice. I'd ask my mum, but she's still trying to explain to me why she never told me that she's a witch.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Sorry I haven't written. I was a bit shocked, and, knowing absolutely nothing about having a boyfriend, I had to ask around. I came up with these. A) offer to kill Ron. B) tell her to break up with him C) break up with him for her D) tell her to just keep going and see what happens E) have her become a DE so Ron dumps her Harry helped me out a little and explained that you thought that Ron might be feeling stronger about you than you do about him. After much though we decided that option D was best. What's you take?

-Tom

Tom-

Hermione's in an 'interesting' mood since she got your letter. I think that something about KILLING her friends ticked her off. Just a little. And we intecepted the howler. Barely.

-Harry

Tom-

I thought you said that you weren't going to kill my friends? Yes, I suppose that option D is the best. He does get annoying. He hasn't noticed that we are practicing Occulmency on him. Although when I accidentally brought up spiders last night, he needed two calming draughts to just get to sleep. I'm glad that you know nothing about having a boyfriend, that's somewhat of a relief. Although Malfoy Sr. Is sort of cute...

-Hermione

Harry-

She said the Lucius is cute. What did Weasley do to her??

-Tom

Tom-

I was kidding about Malfoy Sr.

-Hermione

Harry-

Sorry I haven't written, your letter got buried under a stack of forms. Something about insurance taxes on the Riddle Manor. Tax collectors are annoying. I'm surprised that the forms even made it to my desk, Nagini was supposed to sign them for me. Then there were the Death Eater application forms. I've got to go, there's a meeting in five minutes. Being an evil Dark Lord is So _stressful_.

-Tom

Tom-

Death Eater Applicataions forms? You have to apply to join up? So you don't force people to take the mark? I'm writing during potions, Snape thinks I'm taking notes. Go to go, it's time to add the shredded boomslang skin.

-Harry

Harry-

What? Didn't you think that we were organized? And parents can apply for their children to join. Unless the child in question is over seventeen. Most parents get their child the mark for their seventeenth birthday, they do it the day before. Next Hogsmeade weekend I seem to have nothing to do, would you like to meet in the three broomsticks for butterbeers? She was kidding about Malfoy Sr. At least she said so.

-Tom

Tom-

I wouldn't mind, but your face is a bit distinguishable, don't you think?

-Harry

Harry-

Of course, but I'm a wizard. I can disguise myself magically, and they'll never know. Now, be a good little boy and run along to find Hermione to see if she wishes to join us.

-Tom

Tom-

We'll both be there. Hang on, Hermione wants to write.

Butterbeers? In Hogsmeade? Are you insane? What if Dumbledore sees you? What if he sees us?

Well now that Hermione's expressed her doubts, we'll be along for butterbeers around eleven o'clock. How does that sound?

-Harry and Hermione

Harry and Hermione-

That sounds lovely. See you then.

-Tom

Harry and Hermione had managed to loose Ron in Honeydukes.

"That was hard." Hermione commented, breathing slightly hard, from pushing her way through the crowd of students.

"It was only hard because he had a death grip on your hand. Hurry, we're late." Harry replied, walking a bit faster up the dirt road towards the Three Broomsticks.

"We can be a little late. How late are we?" Hermione asked.

"Ten minutes." Harry replied.

"What?" Hermione said, and then began walking faster, almost at a fast jog.

"You—don't—have—to—go—so—fast." Harry panted.

"Of course I do." Hermione replied, just as winded as he was. "I'm meeting my uncle face-to-face for the fist time in my life."

"Well we're here. Are you ready to go in?" Harry asked Hermione, just a bit nervous himself. After all, this would be the sixth time he met Voldemort face-to-face and survived. At least he hoped he would survive.

"I'll never be ready, but lets just get this over with." Hermione said, pushing open the door and scanning to room for her uncle.

Harry followed her in, and looked around. He shook his head, smiling when he saw the young man in the corner booth.

"Hermione?" Harry asked. "I think he's over there." Harry said pointing.

"Where?" Hermione asked, and then saw the man waving at him from the corner. "That's him? He looks like you almost." Hermione said.

"Thanks Hermione." Harry replied sarcastically, and then began to walk towards the booth where Tom was sitting.

As they got nearer, Tom rose and said, "Miss Hermione Granger, and Mr. Harry Potter, I presume?"

"Yes, that'd be us." Harry said.

"Uncle Tom?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, that's me." Tom shook Hermione's hand, and gestured for them to sit down. Neither of the three noticed the red-head across the room watching them warily.

"It's nice to meet you finally." Hermione said.

"It is." Tom replied.

"As it is nice to talk to you and not have to worry about getting hit by a Killing Curse." Harry said.

"It is nice to be able to talk to you without having to worry about Dumbledore interfering." Tom replied.

Harry gasped. "It just occurred to me. What if Dumbledore recognizes you?" Harry asked.

"Only Dumbledore, you two, and Hagrid know who I am." Tom said smugly. "Then they'd have to recognize me and it's been fifty years since they've seen me looking like this, not to mention, this form has gotten a bit older."

"Fine." Harry replied.

"How did you recognize me anyway?" Tom asked.

"My second year. Your diary." Harry replied, and Hermione gasped.

"Ginny!" She said, and looked around the room, and her eyes met Ginny's who was watching them with wide eyes. "Tom, "I'll be right back, do you mind if I introduce you to Ron's sister?" Hermione asked.

"Not at all." Tom replied. "Why is Hermione going to introduce me to Ginny?" He asked Harry.

"Do you remember your diary?" Harry asked. When Tom nodded, Harry continued. "Well, in Ginny's first year, Lucius Malfoy slipped it into one of her books, and Ginny wrote to you all year, and you being that evil git that you were—"

"Hey! I resent that!" Tom broke in.

"It was true then, you're not so evil anymore, I think associating with two 'good' wizards and witches is doing you some good." Harry said, "well, back to the story. You ended up possessing her, and you nearly killed, her, but it ended up with me getting a bite from your basilisk when I killed it, and the diary being destroyed with the fang I pulled out from my arm." Harry said.

"You survived a basilisk bite?" Tom asked, incredulous "More to the point, you killed my basilisk?"

"Yes, Fawkes helped me, and it was either me or the snake." Harry replied. "Oh yeah, me and Ron both got Special Awards for Services to the School. Dumbledore might have even revoked yours." Harry said grinning.

"He did no such thing!" Tom replied.

"Really? How do you know?" Harry asked, teasing Tom.

"Because only Dilys could have and he's dead." Tom replied smugly.

Harry muttered something about overbearing pompous Dark Lords.

"Now that wasn't very nice." Tome said. "Oh look! Here come the butterbeers."

Indeed, Ginny and Hermione were coming over, each of the carrying two butterbeers.

Hermione sat down next to Tom, and Ginny sat next to Harry. "Well, Tom, I'd like you to meet my friend, Ginevra Weasley, and Ginny, I'd like you to meet my uncle." Hermione said.

Tom took Ginny's hand and shook it. "Pleased to meet you."

"Aren't you the Dark Lord?" Ginny asked quietly.

"How very astute of you." Tom replied. "Yes I am, but I have promised not to hurt kill, main, or torture any of Hermione's friends and family." Tom said.

"Why?" Ginny asked. "you're not really—?" She trailed off.

"Her uncle?" Ginny nodded. "That I am. Hence the afore mentioned agreement." Hermione elbowed Tom in the side.

"What was that for?" He asked, glaring at Hermione.

"For being an overbearing, pompous, evil, Dark Lord." Hermione said.

Tom muttered something that they didn't quite catch.

"Ginny, you can't tell anyone about this, okay?" Hermione asked.

"I won't." Ginny replied.

"Thanks." Hermione said, grinning at Ginny.

"Your welcome." Ginny said, then thought for a moment, taking a sip of her butterbeer. "Now, Hermione I can understand. But why Harry?"

"Apparently a lower ranking Death Eater was intercepting my mail, so I learned a little spell to put on my letters and sent one to him to see if he knew what was happening to them. The letter to Tom got through, and that's what started it off." Harry said.

"Oh. But WHY?" Ginny asked.

"Because I needed to hear from you." Harry said. "Did you guys even get any of my letters?" Harry asked.

"Two at the start of summer, and then after that none. But we were told not to write to you, so we sent one telling you that." Ginny explained.

"Oh. Did you ever get that one, Tom?" Harry asked, glaring at the Dark Lord.

Tom shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"Could you tell me who it was intercepting my mail?" Harry asked.

"I can't well, see you later. I can feel Dumbledore approaching." Tom replied, "Ginevra, I suggest learning how to occulde your mind." Tom added, and he disapparated.

"Why?" Ginny asked the empty space of air where Tom had been.

"Simple, we can't have anyone finding out about Tom for obvious reasons." Hermione said.

Harry noticed that Dumbledore was heading over towards their table. "Hermione, Dumbledore's heading over this way. Shields up, Ginny, don't meet his eyes. Okay?"

Ginny and Hermione nodded, and Harry started talking about quidditch.

"I don't know Gin, I think you'd make a better seeker than me." Harry said.

"No, I'm a chaser. That's the position I'm best suited for." Ginny replied.

"Hi Professor!" Hermione said brightly, looking up at Dumbledore's nose.

"Hello. Do you mind if I join you three?" Dumbledore asked. "I find it's quite crowded in here today."

"Not at all Professor." Hermione replied. "How are you today?" She asked.

"Quite fine Miss Granger, are you aware that Mr. Weasley is looking for you? He's convinced that Voldemort has abducted you."

"I highly doubt that." Hermione said, laughing a little.

"Doubt what?" Dumbledore asked, trying to make eye contact, but failing miserably.

"That Voldemort will abduct me." Hermione said.

"What makes you think that?" Dumbledore said.

"I'm too well protected." Hermione replied.

"Really?" Dumbledore asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Yes, I can feel how much power you've added to the wards around Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, and the ones that alert you to the presence of Death Eaters at my house." Hermione said.

"You can feel them?" Dumbledore asked.

"It's not a difficult skill." Hermione replied.

Dumbledore was about to reply but was cut off by Ron's arrival.

"Hermione!" Ron said, sliding in next to Hermione, across from Dumbledore. "I was so worried about you? Why'd you leave?"

"It was too crowded. I decided to wait in here for you with Harry and Ginny." Hermione replied.

"Oh. Don't scare me like that again." Ron said, hugging Hermione with one arm.

"Okay." Hermione replied, taking a sip of her butterbeer.

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

Did Dumbledore come and try to find out if I was there? Dumbledore will be watching you three, so be careful. Ginny, work hard on your occulmency. Stay out of your brother's head if you start to learn Legimency. Ron thinks some 'interesting' things. Hermione and Ginny, in a strange bout of kindness, I've strengthened the wards around your homes. That should keep your families safe from errant Death Eater attacks. How is Ginny with this recent revelation?

-Tom

Tom-

Ginny seems to be fine, although she is working very hard at Occulmency. She said that Professor Snape was looking at her funny. DO you think that he could have been trying to get into her head? She also mentioned that she felt a slight brush against her 'fence', so could he have been trying to get in?

Thank you for adding to the wards at Ginny's and mine houses. I'm grateful for it. Have you ever talked to my mum? She might want to get to know her brother. She finally wrote back. She said something about not being sure how my father would take the news of being a witch. She didn't want children for fear that they'd be magical, but she had me, and now my dad knows about her. He seems to be taking it well.

This is strange. That last time I wrote to a Tom he ended up possessing me. Could you not do that? I think that I can understand parseltongue because of that. Harry and Hermione were talking in it, and I could understand bits of it. Ron overheard them, and now he's trying to get Hermione to tell him why she knows it. I think he thinks Harry taught it to her.

-Harry, Hermione and Ginny

Dear Readers & Reviewers-

First, i'd like to say thank you very much. I've decided that I'm going to try and update on Fridays or Saturdays, and Tuesdays. I'm not particularaly pleased with this cahpter, I found it somewhat lacking. I think that Dumbledore will findout eventually, and **Ursus** thank you for pointing that out to me, and if i get time, I'll fix that, and Harry's continuing with History of Magic because I was very hyper when I wrote that chapter, and didn't edit it that throughly. I'm sorry for those of you who didn't like the 'Michael Jackson tendencies' that Lockhart had, but again, I was very hyper and not really thinking, much. But I'm sorry, he just does seem gay. (No offense meant towards homosexuals), the hair, and the robes that he wore, think of Valentine's day, and, yeah... I'll just shut up now. One more thing, I love you guy so much for reviewing!

-emikae


	4. We're Going to be Pranksters!

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Four- We're Going To Be Pranksters!

Last Time

Tom-

Ginny seems to be fine, although she is working very hard at Occulmency. She said that Professor Snape was looking at her funny. DO you think that he could have been trying to get into her head? She also mentioned that she felt a slight brush against her 'fence', so could he have been trying to get in?

Thank you for adding to the wards at Ginny's and mine houses. I'm grateful for it. Have you ever talked to my mum? She might want to get to know her brother. She finally wrote back. She said something about not being sure how my father would take the news of being a witch. She didn't want children for fear that they'd be magical, but she had me, and now my dad knows about her. HE seems to be taking it well.

This is strange. That last time I wrote to a Tom he ended up possessing me. Could you not do that? I think that I can understand parseltongue because of that. Harry and Hermione were talking in it, and I could understand bits of it. Ron overheard them, and now he's trying to get Hermione to tell him why she knows it. I think he thinks Harry taught it to her.

-Harry, Hermione and Ginny

Harry-

I wouldn't put it past Severus to try and get into her head. It sounds as if it would be the type of thing that he would do. I appear to be running out of those muggle sweets, do you think that you could get me some more? Don't forget, you three have to keep Draco from going to his dorm tonight. Trap him in the room of requirement. Or something.

-Tom

Hermione-

You're welcome for the wards. What's an uncle to do when his followers might be trying to kill his sister? I left her a note, and I'll see how she responds. She might owl me, or something else. Maybe I should visit her. How do you think she would react to a visit from am mostly evil Dark Lord?

-Tom

Ginny-

I won't try and possess you. It's not what friends do. Try and help Harry and Hermione keep Draco from going down to his dorms. They are quite angry with him because he declared his preference for the light. I knew he felt that way, and am rather grateful that Lucius didn't force him to join. I hate having someone I know join who already won't be loyal to me. Work harder on your Occulmency, and don't make eye contact with Severus.

-Tom

Tom-

We did fine and rescued Draco. We sort of trapped him in the room of requirement and then told him that we had heard that the Slytherins were planning to attack him. He didn't believe us at first, but after Harry told him that we wouldn't let an ally get hurt, he finally believed him.

IT took him forever to believe me! Not to mention he seemed to be starting at Hermione's breasts. Again. He was doing that at dinner, but I noticed because I was watching the Slytherins. Ginny might have noticed too, but she didn't say anything.

I did notice, Hermione's the only on who didn't. Actually, Ron didn't either, but he's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. Draco is sleeping and he has decided to try to sleep up here most of the time. We decided that it would be safer. Harry just left to sneak down to the Slytherin dorms to try and get his stuff. I hope that he doesn't get hurt.

I got Draco's things, and he situated himself in the room of requirement, and now we're talking about finding somewhere Draco can sleep more permanently. After all, he can't always sleep in he room of requirement.

-Hermione, Harry, and Ginny

Hermione-

Thank you for saving Draco. I was a bit worried about him, as I certainly don't want him being killed for which side he has chosen in this war. A heads up, Wormtail has left, and when I could last sense him, he was heading towards Hogwarts. Perhaps Harry should have a dream? I'll tell him, but you should tell him too.

-Tom

Harry-

Glad you go him to believe you. Maybe Draco and Hermione could get together if she and Ron break up? On a different note, Wormtail left, and last that I sensed him, he was heading towards Hogwarts. Be on the lookout, perhaps you could at least get Sirius' name cleared, and my informant in the Department of Mysteries says they are closer to finding out how to people out of the veil.

-Tom

Ginny-

Its a good thing Hermione didn't notice. Harry successfully got Draco's things? There's a room off of the Chamber of Secrets, and it has a staircase that ends up behind a portrait near the North Tower. Draco could stay there. He would have to get in through the bathroom first, and then set the password from behind the portrait. Someone should cast a few notice-me-not charms on the area too. Hermione should be able to do all of this. Brightest bulb on the Christmas tree?

-Tom

Tom-

We've got Draco situated down there. We cleaned it up a bit, and Harry and Draco had a bit of fun flying their brooms around in it. It's not one room, it an apartment. There are four rooms down there, but we only fixed up one of them. Draco invited us to live down there with him, but we declined for now. Although Harry said he might go down there a few times a week, to keep Draco company. Did you know that there is nearly nine thousand steps in that staircase? Ginny says that it's a muggle phrase, something a musician she listens to came up with.

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

Yes, I knew that. There are eight thousand, seven hundred, eighty-eight steps. I should know. I counted them nearly every time I went up them. There actually two more apartments, but I think one of the caved in, and then one of them is on the other side of an underground river. It connects to the harbor that you used in your first year.

-Tom

Tom-

You've managed to surprise Hermione. You shall be commended. We found the river, and crossed it, and we found the second set of apartments. Hermione said that there were once warming spell on the rock, but they had almost worn off. Exploring them, we found a library, with a very old copy of Hogwarts, a history that mentioned the rooms we were in. Actually, we're still here. Apparently the Chamber of Secrets is not covered in the schools wards, so it is possible to apparate and disparate into them, but Salazar placed wards in them. You could only get in if you had honest intent. That cheered Hermione up a little. The house elves can get down here, because we summoned Dobby, and he brought us some food and blankets. I think, I might ask Dumbledore if we could live down here after Hogwarts.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

You were right, I apparated in there to see if I could, and I could, but than I thought about killing Dumbledore, and the wards chucked me back out. I went back in, and I fixed a few things up for you. There's a box of cookies, the house-elf is getting used to making normal ones again, thank Merlin. And a few pallets, they are fine for one nights rest, but not recommended for a few. They tend to get uncomfortable after a while. I hope that you didn't get into too much trouble for being out of bounds? Remember, if you tell Dumbledore, you'll have to tell him how you found them, and Harry, you're the only person who's been down there since I last opened it.

-Tom

Tom-

We didn't get caught. We're down here again, setting it up so we could live here. Draco flooed back home and got books on apparating and other interesting things. Harry's decided to stay down here for the summer, along with Draco. They're trying to set up an illegal floo connection. In Gryffindor tower, we found and empty dorm that had six beds in it. Consequentially, one of them is now missing.

In the set that Harry's decided for his rooms, there is one room that appears to be an old potions lab, and one that looks like might have been a kitchen. Dobby the house elf took one look at it and decided to fix it up. There is a room that will work for a sitting room, and has some repaired furniture from various common rooms in it, and it's actually turned out quite nice. Hedwig and a few owls from the owlery have taken up residence here, so Harry should be able to write back and forth, because, after all, Hedwig is a noticeable owl.

Draco also has a room at Harry's and Harry has a room at Draco's, because apparently, the pathways are dark at night. We've all become very proficient at warming charms. Ron got very angry one night when we all came back just before curfew. He's noticed that Draco is missing and thinks that Hermione is meeting him, and Harry and I are together, but not telling anyone. If only he knew the truth.

Do you want to let Draco in on the secret, or no?

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

I'd rather if you didn't let Draco in on the secret. I popped over to the rooms and you three have been doing a very nice job at fixing them up. I came across a miniature pair of dragons, and they seem to like people. They accompanied me, and they wouldn't leave your rooms. I think they remind them of the caves they were from. I also left a few hangings to help keep the room warm in the winter. They're old ones that my father had, so they are rather muggle orientated, but I repaired most of the damage. I am sorry about Ron, why don't you show him the rooms that you have been working on? Of course he might meet up with Draco, I nearly did. But, If Ron thinks of injuring Draco, the wards will send him out. Which would be most interesting. I wonder where he would reappear.

-Tom

Tom-

Thank you for the hangings, Hermione did something to them, and now they move. Ginny is looking at an owl order catalogue for more things to go on the walls. Halloween is in a week or so, are you planning anything for then, or have you decided to quit killing? Or just to cut down on killing?

Today Dumbledore pulled Ginny up into his office to try and find out where we had been disappearing to, but she's become very good at occulmency. We're considering staying down here for the holidays. Harry has spent a few nights down here, and he says I is very nice, the sound of the river in the distance is quite comforting. Do you know any spells to re-enforce the ceiling? I haven't been able to find any in the library.

Draco had been coming 'round a lot, and is wondering where the hangings came from. I'm wondering if you know of any portraits of the Potters? I want to surprise Harry for Christmas.

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry and Hermione-

I don't think I'll be doing anything this Halloween. I like to see the order squirm. I'm not sure if I want to stay the Dark Lord. It's an awful lot of work, and I have a family. And well, I mainly set out to kill all muggles because of my dad. But looking at it from his point of view, if I was a muggle, and I had found out that my beloved was something I viewed as evil, I might leave them too. What do you think. I've been doing this for years and I haven't won. Perhaps I should just quit? I want to watch my niece grow up and have children of her own.

By that way, my informant says that the project with the veil is going well.

-Tom

Ginny-

There was one at Godric's Hollow, but I'm not sure if it was destroyed, would you like me to go and check?

-Tom

Tom-

So, are you thinking of quitting? I find that strangely reassuring. I'm sure that the world will miss you, but you could always come and restore the third set of rooms. Draco, you and I should be able to get along capitally. I'll let you ponder it. I would like to say, though, if you did go with your former plans of kill all muggles, mudbloods, and muggle-borns, you'd have to commit suicide after you won. Just a little thought.

Yeah, I'd like it if you could go and do that for me. It would be nice.

What are you going to do for Ginny? Please don't be mad at Hermione for saying what she said. But it would be nice to quit, for some strange reason, I like writing to you, and I would hate it if you got yourself killed. But that's just the lousy opinion of the boy who lived.

Harry, Ginny, and Hermione

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

I'm not quitting, I'm just going to be pursuing a more realistic goal. Complete domination over the United Kingdom. Do you think I'd make a photogenic king? Actually, I'm kidding, I was thinking, maybe become more of a prankster. I don't think I could quit completely, I like having all of those articles written about me. Do you have any ideas? Lucius won't be pleased though. Hopefully he won't be too vocal about his displeasure. I wonder how long it will take for them to catch on that we've quit killing. On Halloween there will be a raid, but it will be pranks. Harmless things, like turning muggles into the animal the best fits their personality.

Hermione, before you start complaining, we can't go completely good all at once. And, Ginny? I found it, and you should get it November second. Are you going to go to the Halloween Ball? I heard that it will be good.

-Tom

Tom-

We're not going, we're using the opportunity to look for a spell to re-enforce the ceiling. For some reason, we don't want a cave-in. Especially since we're going to have a slumber party down there this weekend. Ron will be there, and Draco's going to 'find' us. Wish us luck!

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

I meant to send this earlier, but it slipped my mind. I hope that it will help with the walls. Good luck with Ron. Remember the wards? He will be kicked out and not be able to find the place again. I had to re-read the letter to find it. Any news on Wormtail? Walk around the castle accio'ing him. You should be able to get him if he is in his rat form. It normally works for me. Remus is teaching DADA, so you might want to hurry, he has that hand, so he might want to get rid of him.

-Tom

Tom-

Thank you for reminding us of Wormtail. We're all going to go and look for him after we finish eating down here. Ron is quite angry that I've been spending so much time down here. I think that I might have to break up with him. I truly hate to do it, but he's really possessive. I'll have to owl mum about it, as you haven't had any experience with boyfriends.

Well, looks like Hermione and Ron are having problems. He's worse with me though. He thinks that no boy should be allowed to touch me. HE obviously hasn't realized that I can take care of myself. Perhaps it was the incident in my first year that did it. I don't ever remember him being this protective before.

I don't think that the pranking thing would work. It would be best to fake your death. Only because you wouldn't be accepted into society because of your former mistakes. Eek! I sound like Hermione. Well, we've got to get back to the Common room before Ron freaks out, and Snape was lurking around Gryffindor Tower, I think he wants to get us in trouble, although he has been asking if we know where Draco is.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

Just tell Severus that you have no idea of where Draco is. You never said how Ron took meeting Draco? Or did you all chicken out? I suppose that you did. Gryffindor courage? What Gryffindor courage? Ginny, it should be arriving today. Hermione, I have most certainly not had any experience with boyfriends at all. If you like, I'm sure that Bella might have some good advice for you.

-Tom

Tom-

It came! Harry is bothering me about seeing it. I told him no. But, thank you very much for getting it. I had it in my dorm, and unwrapped it, and had a talk with them. They are very happy to be indoors again. I'm not sure that I can wait until Christmas.

Tom! What did you send Ginny? She won't let me see it. It's driving me insane! Please tell me. Please? And, Ron was the one who chickened out. HE saw that we were heading for the chamber, and he turned tail and ran. We still had the slumber party though, it was just as fun without him. We went down to the lake, and had a bonfire, and we went swimming, but we nearly froze to death. Ginny and I have gotten together.

Well, as you can see, we didn't chicken out, Ron did. The fact that we knew warming charms came in handy because after swimming in the harbor-lake thingy, we nearly froze. We had lots of fun though. I felt sort of left out though. I wish that Ron had come. Oh well, maybe next time. Draco was rather kind though. I'm quite glad that you've never had any experience with boyfriends, but if you choose that lifestyle, I'll be supporting of you. I think I will do just fine without Bellatrix's advice, thank you very much.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

I'm glad that you all had fun at your party. You never found out how to make the water warm? It's a pointless charm though. It wears off in about fifteen minutes, so it's better to apply the charm to yourself.

Harry. You will have to wait until Ginny is ready to show you what she got. It's worth the wait, I can tell you that. I am sorry that Ron chickened out. There's always next time.

Hermione, I don't think that I will choose.. Never you mind, let's just pretend that our conversation never went that way. Just a tad bit uncomfortable. Watch the head table, Dumbledore's getting a letter from yours truly.

-Tom

Tom-

There won't be a next time for Ron and I. He broke up with me. Apparently I'm spending too much time away from him. I asked if he wanted to come, but he didn't want to. I don't think I can stay in the Gryffindor dormitories anymore. I've asked Harry and he said that I could stay in my room down below. That's what we're calling it now, down below. He's dating Lavender Brown now. Apparently she's been after him for a while.

Dating him was a mistake. I should have broken it off with him a while ago. Draco heard me come down because when I started throwing curses at the picture of Ron, he stopped me. He said that I shouldn't be doing that because I could bring then entire school down on top of us. I had a good cry, and Draco was helping me look up a curse to put on Ron. Nothing harmless, just something that will embarrass him. I found one. It's a curse to put on his wand so it will turn into a spider when he picks it up. It will do this only three times though.

Draco fell asleep in the library. I'll move him to somewhere more comfortable after I post this. The letter to Dumbledore was good. I think the laughing Dark Mark was a nice touch, it scared half of the students.

-Hermione

Hermione-

I'm very sorry about Ron. I never liked him. It's good that Draco stopped you. You are a very powerful witch and he was right, you could bring the entire school down on top of you. The spells on the walls and ceiling might need to be done again. Just to be safe.

-Tom

Tom-

I'm sure that you've heard of Hermione and Ron's break up by now. Hermione's living down below with Draco, although she is in Harry's rooms, and Draco should be staying in his. At least that's what Harry thinks. I went down there this morning, and Draco and Hermione had fallen asleep on the couch in the sitting room. Maybe they'll get together. They would make a nice couple.

Ginny! What if Hermione saw that? She would murder you. I'm not talking to Ron. He could have broke up with Hermione nicer than he did. First, I had come back to the common room to get a book from my trunk, and Ron and Lavender were making out in a corner, and Ron stopped as I went by, and asked if I had seen Hermione, as he had 'something to tell her.' Hermione had followed me because she had forgotten to tell me to get something else, so while I was talking to Ron, she had come in and saw Lavender sitting in his lap.

She got so mad it was scary. When she took a breath to yell at him some more, he said, 'Hermione, it's over. You don't pay enough attention to me.' and he went back to making out with Lavender. Hermione sent a bat bogey at them both and then got her things and left. Lavender was gloating about it when I came back down with the things we needed, and then I went back up and went to bed.

-Harry and Ginny

Harry and Ginny-

Are you sure I can't kill Ron?

-Tom

Tom-

No. Although he's got the emotional range of a teaspoon, we still love him. I'm not sure why, but for some strange reason we love you too.

-Harry and Ginny

Harry and Ginny-

Fine.

-Tom

Hermione-

How are you doing? I heard from someone that you hadn't been going to classes. Please go to classes. You can't get a good job if you quit going to school. Please could I kill Ron?

-Tom

Tom-

I started going to classes again. Ron's been glaring at me, and Professor McGonagall wants to know where I've been sleeping. I told her I've been sleeping on someone's couch and left. When I looked back, she seemed pretty shocked. I probably shouldn't have put it that way. But it's true. Last night, I was over at Draco's working on an essay for potions, and it got dark, and the bridge over the river isn't fun in the day, at night it's downright dangerous. So I ended up sleeping on Draco's couch.

Well, it looks like we're back to writing group letters again. Ron's not talking to me at all, so I think that I might leave too. I wonder why they're letting us sleep outside of our dorms. If I have to listen to Ron talk about Lavender one more time or wake up to find that Lavender has snuck into our dorm once again I will leave. I don't care if it's a really long walk to the great hall, I will stay down below.

I'm with Harry on that. If I have to hear Lavender sneak downstairs one more time, or talk about my brother in a way I don't want to know about him, I will move down below. Of course McGonagall might get a little suspicious.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

I am sorry. I would just go down below before it gets worse. They're letting you sleep out of you dormitories because they can't find you anywhere else. They'll be checking the private quarters of the professors tonight for Hermione. And the common rooms. You never said if I could murder Ron.

-Tom

Tom-

It got worse. Lavender mistook my bed for Ron's. So now I'm down below. After talking to Dobby, I've got him and a few of the other house elves fixing up a bathroom. Might as well have a shower down here too. At first we just had a toilet because we didn't think that we'd be living down here, but that's changed. One of the elves found another set of rooms, and Hermione is looking them over to see if she wants to fix them up for herself. Nothing fancy, just her own bathroom, library, and two bedrooms. That's what it is now. I think that it was guest quarters for my quarters.

Since all of the others are down here, I've decided to move down too. The guest quarters that the elves found look out onto the lake, since Hermione and I like the view, we've decided to stay in there. For now we're in Harry's quarters, because we have to fix things up. So all four of us are down here.

Well, Harry and Ginny have pretty much said everything. I wonder what it'll be like living down here. Well, we figured out where we are. We're living in the cliffs that the school is on. Or you could say that we're in the deepest dungeons. If we wanted, we could go out of the main doors, and down the tunnel that we first entered the school from, and if we go up the river, we should find the ancient dock by the bridge. Then we'd be able to get to our rooms. Quite interesting really.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Dear Readers and Reviewers-

I really hate to do this o you guys, but I have to. **This is very important, so I sugesst that you read it.** Last weekend, I got a headache, and I have a very bad history with headaches. They tend to stick around for a few months or so. Currently I have about three ibuprofen in my system, and I can barely type this. So what I'm saying, is that I won't be able to continue with the fic. I'm not stopping it, it's just not going to be updated very soon. if the headaches don't go away by November, I'm going to go to the doctors, so I should be back around mid-November. If i had some pre-written stuff, I would gladly post it, but, sadly I don't. Thiss is all I've got, and I hope you like it. As I still have to update Things are Looking up, and I want to be able to walk to mu room, I've got to go. Thank you for all of your reviews. here's the address for my xanga, i'll be posting in there when i can, and iif it looks like i can update, i'll be putting word of it there first.

www . xanga . com / home . aspx ? user emikae

Thanks for all the reviews, I love you guys so much!

-emikae


	5. The Boggart Curse?

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Five- The Boggart Curse

Last Time

Tom-

It got worse. Lavender mistook my bed for Ron's. So now I'm down below. After talking to Dobby, I've got him and a few of the other house elves fixing up a bathroom. Might as well have a shower down here too. At first we just had a toilet because we didn't think that we'd be living down here, but that's changed. One of the elves found another set of rooms, and Hermione is looking them over to see if she wants to fix them up for herself. Nothing fancy, just her own bathroom, library, and two bedrooms. That's what it is now. I think that it was guest quarters for my quarters.

Since all of the others are down here, I've decided to move down too. The guest quarters that the elves found look out onto the lake, since Hermione and I like the view, we've decided to stay in there. For now we're in Harry's quarters, because we have to fix things up. So all four of us are down here.

Well, Harry and Ginny have pretty much said everything. I wonder what it'll be like living down here. Well, we figured out where we are. We're living in the cliffs that the school is on. Or you could say that we're in the deepest dungeons. If we wanted, we could go out of the main doors, and down the tunnel that we first entered the school from, and if we go up the river, we should find the ancient dock by the bridge. Then we'd be able to get to our rooms. Quite interesting really.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

So sorry about Lavender. Glad that you're all down below, it will be easier to corrupt you when you are all down there. Is there anything that you don't have down there?

Did you ever curse Ron's wand? I hope that you did. I found a curse that makes the recipient believe that his worst fears are following him around. It's a borderline dark curse. Only because it can be used to cure a person of their fears. It's called 'Boggart Curse'. If you want to use it, you've got to find it on your own.

If you wanted, you could throw a party and invite Fred and George, as they are trustworthy. I should know. A few months ago, I had one of my underlings try and get information on the Order of the Phoenix, on the pretense of joining, and all they did was prank them and send them to Dumbledore. They didn't hurt the though, it was a completely innocent information.

I wouldn't go to Hogsmeade next weekend. Small pranking trip. Beware of Ron. He might get hit with a curse that makes him desire the person he hates the most. I wonder who that is, you'll have to tell me.

-Tom

Tom-

A party sounds fun. Today in Care of Magical Creatures, we got to learn about Acroulmantas. Ron totally freaked. Hermione took the opportunity and hit him with the Boggart Curse and he was sure that Mosag was following him. Lavender looked ready to break up with him. It was rather humorous.

Dumbledore kept looking at Hermione at dinner. I think he knows that she cursed Ron. Other than that things are going fine. We're going to have a party instead of going to Hogsmeade, Fred and George said that they'd come. We gave them the floo address, and we've programmed them in, so they will be able to floo.

We never told you that Draco found a spell that allows you to specify who can and can not floo in to your house. We've all got a fireplace that we can floo from so we won't get stuck in someone's rooms over night. Hermione and Draco seem to be forgetting about the floo though, so I've had to drag her away from Draco. I don't know what she sees in him really.

-Harry, Hermione and Ginny

Harry, Hermione and Ginny-

Nice job with the curse, Hermione. You're taking after you uncle. I'm so proud. ::sniff:: Just don't go dark, okay? you will regret that later. There'll be hell to pay when I die. Maybe I should become immortal... If Dumbledore does suspect you, go and hide down below for a while. The enclosed book is on the art of portkey making, you should be able to portkey to and from class. Might make Dumbledore a little angry. Pay special attention to the third chapter, there'll be a test on it later.

Good luck with the party, don't get too drunk please. Wormtail mentioned that they liked trying to get people drunk, so please be careful? Any luck with him? Watch out for Snape, his mark has been bothering him lately. It's going away, but he doesn't know that yet. The actual mark is fading, but there is an illusion that makes it looks like it is still there.

Don't forget to avoid Ron!

-Tom

Ginny-

Are Draco and Hermione... um... doing you know what?

-Tom

Tom-

Actually, I don't know what? Talking? Going out? Failing potions? Going dark? Plotting? Eating purple melons? Deciding to be muggles? Glaring at me?

-Ginny

Tom-

We didn't get too drunk. Draco filched some hangover potion from the hospital wing, so we're all right. Apparently Ron is chasing after Professor Snape. Dumbledore finds it quite amusing, and is denying knowing anything about what hit Ron. So Professor Snape is in the library furiously researching the counter curse. Lavender is glaring at Ron from across the library and Hermione just waved at her. She looks mad.

Tom, never piss Hermione off. Ever. She and Lavender are both assisting Filch for the next week for dueling in the library. I think the funniest part was when Ron was walking towards Professor Snape, and got hit with two curses; Madam Pomfrey is still trying to get his nose back on his face.

I am going to maim Lavender Brown! How dare the little tramp steal my boyfriend! She accused me of cursing Ron. Of course I'm better off. Draco is much smarter. Did you know that Draco got the exact same owls as me, except for he got an E where I got an O, and vice versa.

Okay. Ignore what Hermione wrote. She's very angry, and Draco just got her calmed down. I think I'll tell Ginny to let them stay together tonight.

-Harry, Hermione and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Please pass the enclosed note on to Severus. I feel slightly sorry for him, if only because he has Ronnikins chasing after him. I shall remember to never piss Hermione off. I believe that it would be unhealthy. You should try to get a dentition with Severus for next Tuesday evening around eight. The curse will wear off around then, but it will also be at its strongest just before it wears off. Of course, you might not want to witness it, I think it would be funny.

If Severus has said something like, I never want to see or hear you again to Ron, keep a close eye on Severus. That's all I will say on that matter.

-Tom

Ginny-

You know perfectly well what I mean.

-Tom

Tom-

No I don't.

-Ginny

Tom-

Severus got the note, and he looked relieved when he read it. We got dentention from Severus for 'Being useless (Hermione), breathing (Harry), making obscene gestures (Ginny) and attacking Ron (Draco). You could have told us that the curse being at its strongest meant that he would make a move on Ron. Ron realized what was happening, and he then ran out of the room shrieking. Will he remember everything he did under it? If so, poor Ron, I almost feel sorry for him. Ginny is trying to drag the parchment away..

I found Ron and he was curled up in a ball, bashing his head against the wall. I left him in the hospital wing, hopefully Madam Pomfrey will be able to sort him out. Dumbledore came by when I was leaving, and asked why I was there. I told him that the curse on Ron broke, and he hurried down to the dungeons. I followed him, and found him asking Snape what happened. He didn't answer because he was busy brushing his teeth and gargling bubblegum flavored mouthwash at the same time.

Christmas is coming soon, I think that we'll pretend to go home, and then portkey back to down below, I'll have to run it by the others... Oh dear. Professor McGonagall has followed Draco down. I've got to send this now.

-Harry, Hermione and Ginny

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny-

Ron will remember everything he did under the curse. I hope that Professor McGonagall didn't force you to return to your dorms. Sorry it's short, I've got a meeting in a few minutes.

-Tom

Ginny-

You know very well what I'm talking about. How close are Hermione and Draco?

-Tom

Tom-

Professor McGonagall got kicked out by the wards. Apparently she turned up in Sweden, at least that what she was telling Dumbledore, and she said that she hasn't the faintest idea of how she got there. So she is either covering for us, or she is telling the truth. She came back on a thestral. Scared the first years who were watching Quidditch practice. Ron seems to be all right, but he is avoiding Professor Snape like the plague.

A first year told Ron there was a spider by him, and he ran into the nearest classroom, which just happened to be the Potions classroom. Ron will never be the same. Other than making fun of Ron, nothing has really happened. Maybe we should set Fred and George loose in the castle.

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Tom-

Well right now they're about five feet apart, now fifteen, Hermione went to get a book, now three, she's sitting closer to him. Now she's in his lap, Draco pulled her over. Now they're a foot apart, Harry came in. Now Harry and I are leaving, but I think they're making out.

-Ginny

Harry, Hermione and Ginny-

Professor McGonagall is probably covering for you four. She'll probably keep you after Transfiguration. Send me the conversation, okay?

I think you should lay off Ron, for just a little while, it's getting sort of old.

-Tom

Ginny-

GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY! You know perfectly well what I mean. Will you please just tell me?

-Tom

Tom-

Fine. I'm tired of wasting parchment anyway. Draco hasn't made it to home base yet. At least to the best of my knowledge. Happy?

-Ginny

Tom-

We were going top lay off of Ron. Harry wasn't really sure about it anyway. He was muttering something about how he's not his father. We have transfiguration tomorrow, so We'll send you the conversation if she keeps us after. Christmas hols are in a week and a half! YAY!

-Harry, Hermione, and Ginny

Harry stretched, and glared at the Rat he was supposed to be transfiguring into a cat. It wasn't coming at all. Looking up at the cage of rats, a glimmer of silver caught his eye. Wordlessly, he nudged Hermione, who looked at him curiously. Harry pointed up at the cage full of rats and Hermione stared at it, and then her eyes widened.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" She whispered to him.

"If you're seeing a sliver pawed rat, than yes." Harry replied, grinning maliciously.

"Let's go get him." Hermione said, picking up the cat that had been at rat at one point. After depositing the cat with Professor McGonagall, she went over to the cage full of rats, and stunned one of them.

"Miss Granger! Did you not hear me say that stunning a rat would result in detention?" Professor McGonagall asked from her desk.

"I heard perfectly Professor." Hermione replied, trying not to grin.

"Well, then you will be serving detention—" She started to say, but Harry cut her off.

"But that's not a rat. You never said anything about stunning a rat animagus, did you?" Harry asked.

"That's preposterous! All these rats were tested before I got them, I can assure you that those are all normal rats." Professor McGonagall said, starting to get up.

"Of course, but I think that this one snuck in." Harry said, and then looked at Hermione. "Would you like to do it with me?"

Hermione thought for a minute. "Sure, why not."

"On three?" Harry asked.

Hermione nodded. She softly counted to three, and on three, two jets of light simultaneously hit the silver pawed rat, and it grew into a man with a silver hand and tattered clothes Harry noted that his Dark mark was clearly visible through a rip in his sleeve.

Harry grinned, and conjured some ropes, and canceled the stunner. "Professor McGonagall, may I please introduce you to the scum who betrayed my parents to the Dark Lord? This is Peter Pettigrew, the real secret keeper for my parents, rat animagus, and the one who made Voldemort's rebirth possible." Harry finished. "Say hello Peter." He added, looking down at the cowering blob by his feet.

Peter gulped, and looked around nervously, and saw that He was at wand point from quite a few students, and one very angry Professor.

Professor McGonagall, seeing Peter's gaze fall on her smiled grimly. "Remember, I can turn into a cat. And Cats like chasing Rodents, Peter."

Peter gulped, and looked around for help. He saw Draco, and crawled forward a little. "Draco, please, your father was my friend, pleas help me, there will be honor for you. He will reward you greatly if you help me. Please?"

Draco looked appalled. "You at, If you haven't noticed, I declared my alliance for the light a few months ago." Draco said, and the snob part of him kicked in. "You're so behind, I suppose that happens when you have to live in the sewers. Or Weasley's bedroom. Either one." Draco said.

Peter looked around once more, and saw Ron. "Dear boy. You fed me, let me sleep in your own bed. I was your rat. I was a good pet. Have mercy. You will be honored beyond belief. Please."

Ron glared at Peter. "If you missed the memo, no. Remember last time this happened? It didn't go over too well." Ron said, glaring at Peter, and Harry.

With a quick pop, Peter transformed, and tried to make a run for it. He forgot Professor McGonagall. Within seconds, the witch turned tabby cat had the rat beneath one paw. Hermione grinned at the teacher, and mouthed 'thank you' and stunned it.

Professor McGonagall Resumed her human form and said, "Class dismissed, I want two feet on cross species transfiguration, and for extra credit, one on animagi. Both due next week." She motioned for Draco, Hermione, and Harry to stay.

After the classroom cleared out, she looked at her watch. "Well, I was going to have a discussion about you three's living arrangements, but that will not be possible. I expect to see the three of you tonight at eight, with Miss Weasley."

The three nodded reluctantly, and they filed out of the classroom, only to be met with excited whispers. Hermione sighed, and turned to Draco and Harry. "What do you say about skipping History of Magic?"

"The great Hermione Granger, skipping a class? Sure, lets." Draco said. "Are you with us Potter?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Sure."

The two Gryffindors, and one Slytherin headed in the Direction of the North tower, not noticing the greasy haired potions master following them.

Tom-

We haven't had a chance to talk to her, but she was going to keep us after. We only got out of it because we noticed a silver pawed rat. Tonight at eight, all four of us are going to have a chat with her about our living arrangements. Fun. Well, talk to you later. I think I can hear someone coming down, and it's not Ginny. Great, I wonder who it could be.

-Harry

Dear Readers & Reviewers-

I have just finished this chapter, and it's sort of a cliffy. I'm sorry, for both the cliffy and the long wait. Had school not taken over my life and the headaches, it would have been out sooner, but alas, it wasn't. Due to the fact that the teachers have decided to overload us with work and the headaches, which are getting better, or I'm getting used to them, either one, updates will be about every two weeks, instead of once a week. I'm dreadfully sorry, but if I time it right, you might get two chapters for Christmas. This chapter's short too, but I'll try not to apologize for that too, makes me sound like I'm groveling. Look at it this way: there's an update, and it is longer that two pages, it's six pages, and 2,881 words. Well, wonder who it is that followed them down. I should shut up now...

I was reading this over, and saw five or six mistakes. So sorry if I missed them, and very sorry about the long wait, this is the first time I've been able to get online, and be able to post something, my sister had been missing the bus home and getting rides from my mom, thus beating me to the computer and the internet. I have no idea when the next chapter will be out, but next weekend is a four day weekend, so I might be able to get some writing in. So _possibly_ next week sometime. Thank you for all the reviews, they really cheered me up.

-emikae (emily)


	6. A PINK Dress?

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Five - A PINK dress?

Last Letter:

Tom-

We haven't had a chance to talk to her, but she was going to keep us after. We only got out of it because we noticed a silver pawed rat. Tonight at eight, all four of us are going to have a chat with her about our living arrangements. Fun. Well, talk to you later. I think I can hear someone coming down, and it's not Ginny. Great, I wonder who it could be.

-Harry

And on to the story!

Godfather-

I know that you would like to know where I am living, and as my head of house that only makes the knowledge more important. I wish that I could tell you, but at the moment, it is impossible. All I can say is that I am safe, warm, and happy, which I haven't been really.

-Draco

Draco Malfoy read the letter to His godfather once more, and decided that it would do.

"Quite nice, but I assure you, it is not necessary." Severus said, watching as Draco whirled around in shock.

"Professor, how nice to see you here." Draco said brightly, running what he could possibly do through his mind, not much, looks like he'd have to spill the beans.

"Explain." Severus commanded, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Draco gulped. Hermione was going to be angry. "I'm not at liberty to tell?" He asked weakly.

"You are down here, you have the password for the entrance, and the Gryffindors are not holding you hostage." Severus said. "Explain before I dock points."

"From Slytherin?" Draco gasped.

"No, Hufflepuff." Severus replied sarcastically.

"OH." Draco said, relief visible in his face.

"OF course Slytherin!" Severus snapped, rolling his eyes.

"Just tell him Draco." Harry said from the doorway, where he had apparated moments ago. Those extra books from Tom really paid off. And the charmed parchment that the others had. It was like the Marauder's map, but it was restricted to the dungeons, and a little more advanced.

"Fine." Draco replied. "Since we appear to have been caught, why don't we get the others?"

"Of course, dearest." Harry said, putting an arm around Draco's waist.

Draco realized what was going on and put an arm around Harry's shoulder and leaned into the embrace. They sauntered off towards Harry's quarters, and they heard a quite audible 'thump' as Severus hit the floor.

Harry and Draco immediately separated, and both began laughing.

"We should wake him up." Draco commented, crouching down by Severus and prodding Severus' shoulder with a finger.

"Yes, I suppose we should." Harry said, biting back a few laughs.

"He can wait until we get to the room with the girls, are they there already?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, and they're watching through the map, unless they've expired suddenly." Harry replied, levitating Severus. The two boys left for the room that was their common room.

Severus was coming to slowly. He was on a soft surface, but not the hospital wing, it didn't smell… hospitally. For another thing, a silky cloth was covering his face, breathing deeply, Severus could smell the fait scent of an invisibility cloak. He opened his eye, and nearly passed out when he saw what was going on. Potter, and Draco were… Snuggling? (A/N: Poor Severus, he hasn't realized it's a joke.)

He coughed faintly, getting their attention.

"OY! 'Moine! He's awake." Harry shouted because Hermione was in her chambers reading, and then he winced, realizing that he had sounded remarkably like Ron.

"You didn't have to shout luv." Draco said softly, keeping his features elegant.

"Of course punkin." Harry replied, looking at Draco much in the same way he looked at Ginny.

"Punkin?" Draco replied dryly. "I though we'd agreed to not call me punkin."

"You did Draco." Hermione replied, coming in through the entryway behind him. She walked dangerously near him, and slid a hand discreetly across his derrière making him jump slightly. "Good you're awake." She said, directed at Severus.

Severus nodded, not quite being able to find his voice.

Hermione sighed. A few seconds later Tom Riddle walked in, dressed in an outfit the resemble that of a medieval man, with his features charmed so that they resembled tat of his younger self.

"You called milady?" He asked bowing to Hermione.

"Of course, bring the Lady Ginevra to these chambers." Hermione commanded regally, glaring at Tom, when she realized what he had done.

"My Lady." Tom murmured, backing out of the room, bowing once more as he left. Hermione winced, and she found herself to be wearing a Victorian era dress. Yep. Corsets were a bitch.

"Sir Harold and Draconis, I must ask that you attempt to refrain from causing mischief for at least the next day." Hermione asked the two boys, successfully infecting them with the curse.

"Of course my lady Hermione." Draco and Harry chimed in unison, wincing when whey suddenly found themselves in medieval dress.

"Lady Hermione?" Ginny asked softly from the entry. "You wished to see me?"

"Of course dear. Now that we are all here…" Hermione said, frowning for a moment. "Thomas!"

"Yes Lady Hermione?" Tom asked.

"Dearest Uncle of mine would it be possible for thou to reverse this curse?"

"My dear niece Lady Hermione, so grown up!" Tom said, dabbing at his eyes with a decidedly lacy hankie. "Pary tell, let me speak. Thy strange affliction is timed, and if thou triest to remove it before it has run it's course, Renaissance wear!" Tom said gleefully.

Harry and Draco perked up a little.

Hermione sighed. "Sirs Harold and Draconis, I ask that you would join in our discussion? You may sit on the loveseat. Lady Ginevra and I will be seated on the couch." Hermione said, moving towards the couch in a rustle of blue skirts.

"Not if I can do anything about it!" Tom said loudly.

Hermione cringed. "Thomas, I am warning you." She said threateningly.

The neckline of Hermione's dress dropped an inch. " I take it back!" she said hurriedly.

Tom smirked. "Now, Lady Hermione will be sitting here." He said, waving a hand, and Hermione popped out of existence to reappear on the loveseat, reclining slightly, with her skirts considerably above her ankle. Draco joined her a second later, and Harry and Ginny found themselves sharing a large squishy chair.

Tom-

Thank you for rescuing us from Snape. Are you sure that he will leave us alone? I caught him muttering something about 'insane Slytherins and Gryffindors from hell'. I think we scared him quite badly.

-Harry

Harry-

You think you scared him? I was watching with the girls, and you can tell Draco if he ever stray away from Hermione, he will become very familiar with the meaning of castrate. In all my years, I have never seen Severus pass out, not from pain, of hunger, not from things that made other people pass out, but never Severus. You should be proud. How are the girls enjoying their new dresses?

-Tom

Tom-

They are getting quite angry with them. Many of the girls have tried to wear robes over them, curse them off, of cut them off. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't work. So many girls have advanced to today's style, in various type, Catholic school girl, punk, very short back skirt with a tight black top, and many other types. Hermione knew better and didn't do anything with hers. Do the dresses reflect inner self?

-Harry

Harry-

Of course they do. That's why some of the girls look perfectly chaste and the other girls look like erm… not so chaste. The talking part has completely worn off, but it's designed that it will only come off when you truly don't care about it anymore.

-Tom

Tom-

You evil, evil, evil little bastard. So I have to not care about how I talk to stop using all the 'thys' 'miladys' and 'gentle sir' for PEEVES?

-Harry

Harry-

Thank you for the compliment. And yes, you have to truly not care. The clothes might stick around for a while later, but if you look on page 88435 of Pranking Marauder Style, you should find a way to alter your clothes. You mother came up with the particular curse I used on you. I added the contagious effect and the whole school was infected apparently.

-Tom

Tom-

I like muggle clothes. They're very nice. I even don't mind the little skull and crossbones design on the belt. It goes quite well with the **_PINK_** dress. Tell me how you like it? Someone should have never taught me how to send curses through the mail, right?

-Harry

Harry-

I do like the belt, thank you very much. But the dress? Why is it hot pink? I could tolerate pastel pink, or even magenta, but hot pink? That clashes with my eyes. Enjoy your shirt.

-Tom

Tom-

You are SO dead. Ginny picked up the letter. Not that I don't mind the shirt that says 'I'm in love with Professor Snape', the bat in the background it actually quite cute, it actually resembles Snape. A little. The shirt fits Ginny quite well, but for some reason she doesn't like it.

-Harry

Harry-

Why must you be so cruel? Ladies lingerie with fishnet stockings? Lucius was in the room! The elbow length gloves are quite nice, they make my hands look cool, but why the lingerie? The stupid thingy that gives me a nice figure keeps digging into my ribs when I turn.

-Tom

Tom-

Sorry about that, Ginny offered to send that one for me. I wouldn't stoop that low. Maybe. Could I have the gloves?

-Harry

Harry-

Here ya go!

-Tom

"Ginny!" Harry screeched in a high pitched voice. "HELP!"

Ginny ran towards the sounds of Harry's voice, her mind ticking off what could be going wrong. She stopped short at the sight of Harry and immediately began giggling helplessly.

"I only wanted the gloves!" Harry said, wincing as he turned towards Ginny. "It's not funny!" He snapped.

_Actually, I find it quite funny._

M. Riddle-

I would like to offer a truce in the clothes war, as I am not overly fond of ladies lingerie.

-H. J. Potter

H. J. Potter-

Nope! So tell me, did you ever get them off? And why are you not overly fond of ladies lingerie? Most guys your age absolutely love it!

-Tom

Tom-

Stop twisting my words! You knew that I meant the I didn't like wearing.. Never mind, you're hopeless. Why is your letter singing? How did you know that I loved that song? Have you seen it on the Muppets? Kermit's in the hospital bed, and he goes, "Doctor!" and then the jungle grows around the bed and the doctor turns into a witch doctor, and they're singing "Put the lime in the coconut and shake it all up again, ya put the line in the coconut an' shake…" I'll give you a song too, you should enjoy it, right around your brain capacity.

-Harry

Harry-

I fail to see the point of "Teletubbies, teletubbies, teletubbies, Tinky-winky, Dipsy, Lala, Po!" Perhaps you could explain? And how do you make it stop? And why do the funny colored things not stop dancing around my head? I am slowly going insane.

-Tom

Tom-

What do you mean slowly going insane? I thought you were already insane. Do you realize that you've just invalidated my theory of life that took me three years to get just right?

-Harry

Harry-

You had a theory of life? Do tell! And while you are telling me that tell me how to make that stupid, annoying, foolish, dorky, silly, simple-minded, asinine, moronic, dumb, idiotic, incipient, irking, vexation of a song to shut up!?

-Tom

Tom-

Simply say bye-bye teletubbies! Did you have to use a thesaurus to get all of those words? My theory of life is that to try world domination you must be insane, therefore for all Dark Lords who are trying to rule everything are insane.

-Harry

Harry-

I can honestly say that I did not use a thesaurus to get all of those words. I'm just smart. Thank you so much for the key to the… thing. As soon as it turned off, it fell into the fireplace. It took you three year to come up with attempts of world domination make a person insane? How… sad. What is Dumbledore teaching you? I must teach Him a lesson. Are you familiar with the muggle game pac man? Hermione gave me a Playstation and some games. She gave me something called Tomba that has evil little pigs in it. Why are the pigs evil? I find pigs quite nice. Why couldn't the leprechauns have been evil?

-Tom

Tom-

Okay, not familiar with the game Pac man, but would it have anything to do with he large lemon drop thingy that follows Dumbledore around trying to eat him, but seems to be killed by ghosts? The pigs are evil because it was decided that they should be. I find pigs quite cute.

-Harry

Tom-

Ginny and I are quite busy putting together a Christmas celebration for Harry and Draco. Sorry we haven't been writing, but the Professors decided that us four should have more work, probably to keep us out of trouble. The plans are going well, and we're hoping that you will be able to come. We are still working on the invitations, but they will be done by tomorrow, hopefully.

-Hermione and Ginny

Harry-

Please inform Hermione and Ginny that their owl reached me, and I hope that their plans go well. And yes, that would be why there is a giant lemon drop thingy following Dumbledore around. Has it eaten him yet?

-Tom

Tom-

Ginny and Hermione send along their best wishes for the holiday season. The giant lemon drop thingy came close. There was a large crunching sound, a high pitched scream, and Dumbledore entered the Great Hall at a much faster pace then usual, missing the sleeve of his robe.

-Harry

"_**TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE!!!**_

_**WHAT DID YOU DO TO DUMBLEDORE! **_

_**WHATEVER YOU DID YOU GET YOUR SORRY ARSE BACK HERE AND FIX IT!!**_

_**NOW!"**_

Tom cringed, Ginny had inherited her mother's temper. Might as well release the curse on Dumbledore, and start the one on Snape. Nothing too horrible. Sort of.

Albus Dumbledore looked up. It was eerily silent. He smiled in relief. The pac man was gone. When he found out who had pranked him, that person would be sorry, so very sorry.

Severus Snape got up and went o his office to prepare for class. Running a hand through his hair thoughtfully, he stopped mid-motion. He cringed, remembering something from his school days. Squeezing his eyes shut, he conjured a mirror, to find that…

Dearest Readers and Reviewers:

Tahnk you so much for all of your support, and I think that I may have an idea of where this is headed, and I was looking over all of your lovely reviews, Tanydwr, your review of chapter three was completly right. Not telling you which part though. And thanks for all of the encouragment, and my headaches are still there, but i'm used to them now, so it's not so bad. I can handle writing, but school has apparently decided to take over my life, but you can expect update once weekly at least. I'll shut up now, and review if you wish to, and if you don't keep reading!

emikae


	7. Lovers and Trellises

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Seven - Lovers and Trellises

Last Time:

Severus Snape got up and went to his office to prepare for class. Running a hand through his hair thoughtfully, he stopped mid-motion. He cringed, remembering something from his school days. Squeezing his eyes shut, he conjured a mirror, to find that…

On to The Story!

Tom-

Would you care to enlighten us as to why Professor Snape appears to look like a model?

-Hermione

To the readers: a description of snape as found in my little notebook:  
hair not greasy, tied back into a low pony tail, smiling (part of the prank), robes an elegant dark green with embarrsing pink trim, and a pink sheen to hair (4 sapphire dragons who likes snapey-kins in pink) actually is fair (the prank, once again) gives actual instruction to class, nev manages to get potion done, although he's in diff. class so should I work it in or not? the i've-been-living-under-a-rock-for-my-entire-life skin tone is replaced by a light tan, and many girls develop crushes on him, work that in? and then it goes onto more story planning that would give away a large part of the plot that somehow developed if i put it in, so i won't!

Hermione-

Have you ever read Pranking Marauder Style?

-Tom

Tom-

No I haven't would you care to lend it to me?

-Hermione

Hermione-

I only have one copy and I need it. Quite sorry. I have found a method of instant communication. I'm working on it though. I can't kill muggles anymore, well, only after the new Halo game comes out. (Sorry if I meesed it up, I'm not a big gaming person.) Could you possibly recommend any games to me?

-Tom

Tom-

Nope, but patience is a virtue. Are you going to be giving Christmas gifts?

-Hermione

Hermione-

oh dear, thank you so much for reminding me. Finding gifts that are appropriate for the Death Eaters is so _tiring_. I wish that I could all give them chocolates and a bonus, but no, they just have to be picky. Does your mother prefer black or red lingerie?

-Tom

Tom-

ummmm… Could we NOT discuss my mother's choice of undergarments?

-Hermione

Hermione-

I was kidding. But, does she like light or dark chocolate?

-Tom

Tom-

She's a dentist.

-Hermione

Hermione-

What's a dentist?

-Tom

Tom-

A muggle doctor who takes care of muggles teeth. Ginny has decided that I'm not working hard enough, so I have to go and help her plan, so letters will be very slow. We encountered a slight setback on the invitations, but we have almost gotten them right.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Maybe I'll get her a nice, safe book. How does _The Rise and Fall of The Dark Arts_ sound?

-Tom

Tom-

Do we want my mom knowing that her brother is a Dark Lord and a murderer?

-Hermione

Hermione-

I resent that! I am a Dark Lord, but I most certainly not a murderer. Now Malfoy, that would be a murderer. I have ordered peoples deaths, but I have never killed before.

-Tom

Tom-

Really? What about my grandparents?

-Hermione

Hermione-

Okay, I've only killed three people. Happy?

-Tom

Tom-

Moaning Myrtle, Resident ghost of the second floor girls bathroom.

-Hermione

Hermione-

She annoyed my snake.

-Tom

Tom-

Fine. The invitations are ready! You should get yours sometime soon.

-Hermione and Ginny

Tom!

HELP! I have no clue what to get Ginny for Christmas. What do you think that I should get her?

-Harry

Harry-

I have no clue, ask Hermione.

-Tom

Tom-

I did, and she said that I should be able to figure it out by myself.

-Harry

Tom-

Oh, I'll ask her why.

-Tom

Hermione-

Why should Harry be able to figure out what to get Ginny for Christmas? He's a male, Hermione. Unless Ginny has been dropping hints left and right, which I doubt, he has no clue. By the way, what should I get Ginny and Draco for Christmas?

-Tom

Hermione read the letter over once again and shook her head, muttering something derogatory about men and their brain capacity. She then smiled softly, and began penning a letter to her uncle.

Tom-

Draco is a seeker for the Slytherin team, so maybe a practice snitch or something like that. Ginny is a chaser, so maybe something quidditch related. But Ginny has been doing a lot of writing lately, so maybe a good book to write in. Since you probably can't figure out what I want, just a few books, the enclosed enchanted list is one that has all of the books that I have, or someone has bought for me. It took me a few months to figure out, so don't lose it!

-Hermione

Hermione-

Thank you for the list. Might I inform you that one of your books is under Mr. Weasley's bed? Also the book I am loaning you should help for when you go to retrieve your books.

-Tom

Tom-

Do I want to know why you have a book on cursing wayward lovers? Although the ::ahem:: Shrinkage Charm might come in handy, or the Softening one. Although Draco and Harry won't let me practice on them. I can't imagine why.

-Hermione

Hermione-

What did I tell you about not becoming a Dark Lord, or in your case, Dark Lady? But, look on page two hundred. If you put the right timing on that one, Ronnikins will not be able to have children for a few thousand years.

-Tom

Tom-

I'm not going to cause permanent damage, but I have a few plans. This book really cam in handy. As I am returning yours, and It looks like I would be unable to buy a copy myself, would you mind picking one up for me? If you tell me the cost, I'll give you ten percent more for your trouble.

-Hermione

Hermione-

I don't think that this book, or a copy of it should be in Hogwarts for more than a month, if only because the Hogwarts wards don't take to kindly to books that focus solely on revenge. If you would like to, I have a small unused room that could be turned into a private library for you.

-Tom

Tom-

The part of the castle we are staying in isn't covered by the normal wards. Will those wards affect it? I do love the idea about the library, I have a trunk full of shrunken books.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Sure, send them over, and I suppose that the wards down below will not affect the book. Might I ask why there are Christmas Carols following me around?

-Tom

Tom-

You got your invitation! Good. So will you be able to attend?

-Hermione

Hermione-

I wouldn't miss my niece's first big party for the world. ::sniffle:: Now onto business, just how do I make it shut up?

-Tom

Tom-

You tell it Harry Potter is God.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Why?

-Tom

Tom-

Because that's how you make it shut up.

-Hermione

Hermione-

It didn't work, and a pig flew by my window.

-Tom

Tom-

Oh sorry, we must have changed it around. I'll go ask Ginny.

-Hermione

Tom-

We fixed it so you have to be able to sing along on key before it shuts up. Aren't they just great?

-Ginny

Hermione-

May I please murder one Ginevra Molly Weasley?

-Tom

Tom-

What's she do this time?

-Hermione

Hermione-

She enchanted the stupid invitations to sing at me until I could sing along with them! Ex-Dark Lords DO NOT sing Christmas Carols. They just don't! Pretty please with sugar on top. And a cherry, with a couple hundred galleons? Please? Can I please kill HER.

-Tom

Tom-

Actually, enchanting the invitations was Dumbledore's idea. Of course you can kill Ginny, but no, you may not kill her.

-Hermione

Hermione-

What? You said I could kill her and then you said I couldn't. Explain.

-Tom

Tom-

Won't write nothing if you don't say please.

-Hermione

Hermione-

I said please very loudly and firmly and my loyal servants looked at me likeI was insane.

-Tom

Tom-

You are insane.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Oh.

-Tom

Tom-

You've lost the grasp of the subject. (actually I did, it might help to scroll up a little)

-Hermione

Hermione-

I have?

-Tom

Tom-

Yes, the last ON TOPIC letter was, I won't write nothing if you don't write please!

-Hermione

Hermione-

Oh dear, I'm sorry, I've just lost my third seceretary. But, Please?

Tom-

NOTHING!

-Hermione

Hermione-

What has happened to that sweet little girl who kept Harry from drinking poison in her first year? Where is she! Where I ask you!

-Tom

Tom-

She died when she found out you were my uncle. I'm a clone. From hell.

-The clone from Hell

Dear Clone From Hell,

Would it be possible for you to inform me of how to stop the music coming from my invitation?

Sincerely,

M. Riddle

Dear Lord Voldie-kins,

In the spirit of the holidays, we have decided to tell you to push the crest on the back of your invitation while whispering 'Finite incantum'. The music should cease playing.

Sincerely,

The Let's Drive Evil Lord Voldie-kins Insane Society

Dear L.D.E.L.V.I.S-

Thank you very much, why does your groups initials seem like Lord Elvis?

-The slightly insane Lord Voldemort

Dear Slightly Insane Lord Voldie-kins-

Our main objective is to push you over the brink of insanity, and the other is to prove that Elvis is indeed alive and was bowling last week with the queen mum.

-L.D.E.L.V.I.S.

Dear L.D.E.L.V.I.S.-

How many members are there in you society?

-Lord Voldemort

Dear Lord Voldemort-

So far? Three. Would you like to join? It's completely free of cost, and quite fun.

- L.D.E.L.V.I.S.

L.D.E.L.V.I.S.-

Er… No, I was just wondering. Have you seem Gilderoy Lockhart recently?

-Lord Voldemort.

Lord Voldemort-

Yes, actually we have. Last we saw him, he was in a pub in Little Hangleton muttering about seeing the, and I quote, 'Sexy god who lives in the romantic mansion' any Ideas who the sexy god is?

- L.D.E.L.V.I.S.

L.D.E.L.V.I.S.-

Yes actually I do, and the Sexy God is moving very soon.

-Lord Voldemort

Harry-

Do you know of any empty homes? Please?

-Tom

Tom-

Thought you forgot all about me. Why do you need to know about empty houses? What's wrong with the Riddle House in Little Hangleton?

-Harry

Harry-

I would never forget about you. After all, I spent years trying to kill you, how could I forget that? The Riddle house is fine, it's just that Lockhart has apparently found it's location. I was wondering what was climbing the trellis last night.. The house elves threw something at… it.

-Tom

Tom-

So you've got lovers crawling up your trellises to see you? How sweet. The Professors have decided to assign a load of homework, so I won't be able to write until, say, after that Christmas thing that the girls are planning?

-Harry

Harry Dearest-

Sounds lovely. Good help is so hard to find these days. Ever since wormtail ran off with a mouse I've had to find new secretaries almost daily. They keep running off with Lucius for some reason. Can't imagine why, I am _much_ more beautiful than him. Aren't I right love? So I'm stuck reviewing Death Eater resumes by hand. So annoying. I never imagined that planning a simple Dark revel could be so, so, _exasperating_!

Love, Tom

Dear, Dear reviewers,

Pray tell, do not be fearful of Voldie-kins last letter, that was his sorrowful attempt at a romance letter, woefully directed at the wrong party. ::perks up:: think dumbley-kins should be getting one in the near future? The whole, won't write nothing thing, belongs to Rowling too, that would be from the, wait you know which book, so why am I wasting my time typing. oh yeah, because my life is writing. oh well, it's from the first book, when they are hiding from filch, and the original dialouge is between filch and peeves, but i adapted it to fit into hermione and voldie-kins' letters. By the way, my little sister, who i might add, normally hates me with a passion normally reserved for broccoli, was bugging me about updating this. i'm scared, very scared. but yeah, sorry for going on and all, but i've noticed that most of your reviews seem to include the word laughing. why? i'll shut up now, hope you liked it!

-emikae


	8. Christmas Party

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Eight - Christmas Party

Last Time:

Harry Dearest-

Sounds lovely. Good help is so hard to find these days. Ever since wormtail ran off with a mouse I've had to find new secretaries almost daily. They keep running off with Lucius for some reason. Can't imagine why, I am _much_ more beautiful than him. Aren't I right love? So I'm stuck reviewing Death Eater resumes by hand. So annoying. I never imagined that planning a simple Dark revel could be so, so, _exasperating_!

Love, Tom

I tried quite a few times to get the party right and I decided that this will be my final attempt. So here is a chapter that I think is mostly going to be text, and no letters. Sorry if you find it lacking, I have found it very lacking and I hope to have fixed it.

On to the story!

Harry woke up to find the two miniature dragons had returned from exploring the caves and they were currently cowering against his side. _What're you guys doing in here?_ he wondered. Seconds later Draco came into his room, sealing the doorway shut with a few charms and hexes.

"Harry, whatever you do, don't go out there." Draco said, eyes wide with fear.

Harry sat up immediately and pulled his wand out from under his pillow. "What is it?" He asked.

"Ginny and Hermione!" he panted. "They're decorating, and I tripped over a box and Ginny hexed me!" Draco said, putting an ear to the door, tying to listen in, but not succeeding..

"You put a silencing charm on it." Harry informed Draco.

Draco straightened at once, a slight tint covering his pale cheeks. "I knew that."

"Of course you did. Now why don't you sit at my desk and I go and take a shower." Harry said, sliding out from under the blue bed covers.

"That sounds fine. Is there anything that I should read that you don't want me to read?" Draco asked.

"What?" Harry asked, pulling a set of clean robes out of his trunk.

"Nothing." Draco responded, clearly distracted as he was going through the contents of Harry's desk.

Harry shook his head, glad that he had thought to put the letters from Tom behind the picture of a muggle seascape. Only after he had shrunk them down to microscopic size of course. Harry shut the door to his bathroom and fingered his chin. Looks like I might have to shave some time soon. Although it might be a bit hard to shave… Harry leaned closer to the mirror, "Four hairs." He finished out loud.

"You're only hoping." The mirror replied and got a glare in return.

Draco smiled elegantly. He had found what appeared to be a love note to Ginny. This would be an interesting read.

Ginny,

(Underlined words are crossed out) How I dream of thee. Your eyes are the prettiest eyes south of Antarctica's southern most border. the light in my heart. Your flaming red locks a fire that continues to haunt my mind. Thy smile a beautiful sunrise. Your teeth more precious than pears pearls. Your voice the song of a thousand songbirds. Your hands the hand of The fifty eight and a half freckles on your nose chocolate chips on a cookie.

Draco threw the letter down in disgust. The things guys wrote. Pushing the though from his mind, he picked up a rather beat up eagle feather quill, and began to write Hermione a little note to leave in a book for her.

Dearest Hermione,

Have I ever told you that your curly hair is your best feature? It goes well with your eyes. That I love the hairs from Crookshanks on your robes? That when you frown you look cute? That you chew on the tip of your quill when you're thinking hard? That Severus once said that if you were in Slytherin, you would have won us the house cup? That I admire your courage? That this letter sucks? The Dobby once saved me from drowning? That I think inappropriate charms on a goat are absurd? That you deserve much better than me? That Goyle once kissed Crabbe by mistake? That I am insane, a Slytherin with three Gryffindors? That your cat left a gift on your bed and I cleaned it up for you? Well, actually I banished it, to Ron's bed, if I am correct.

Draco levitated the parchment and whispered '_incendio_', touching his wand to it. Writing love letters was just not his thing. He resumed his search thought Harry's desk, finding his best quill.

Why was that in here? Draco could have sworn he had loaned it to Hermione. Just then, a scarlet envelope burst into existence in front of him. Looking on the front his realized that the Howler was for him. Steeling himself for Lucius' wrath, he slit it open with his wand.

"_**DRACO, ON THE BEHALF (HIC) OF THE (HIC) DEATH EATERS, LORD VOLDIE-KINS, CRUCIO! ALRIGHT, LORD VOLDEMORT**, AND YOUR (HIC) MOTHER, WE WOULD LIKE TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHIRSTMAS AND (HIC) HAPPY NEW YEAR! _

_"A-ONE,ATWO, A-ONE, TWO, THREE! JINGLE BELLS, JUNGLE BELLS, BATMAN SHMELLS, ROBIN LAID AN EGG AND OHHH! JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, (BURP) JINGLE ALL THE WAAAYYYY! OH WHAT FUN IT ISH TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSHE OPEN SLEIGH!!! (HIC) 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER, TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASSH IT AROUND, 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 98 BOTTLE OF BEER, TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASH IT AROUND, 97 BOTTLES OF BEER ONE WALL…. _

_"3 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 3 BOTTLES OF BEER, TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASH IT AROUND, 2 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL…"_

Draco sighed in relief as the howler burst into flame. He never wanted a Christmas message from Voldie-kins again. Ever.

"What was that?" Harry asked, wide-eyed from the door to his bathroom.

"I think the Death Eaters got drunk and sent me a Christmas card. I think." Draco said in an oddly high pitched voice.

Harry laughed. "Fun, how long was it?"

"Long enough. Do you think the girls are done decorating?" Draco asked.

"Lets go and find out." Harry replied, and the boys took a few steps out of the room only to be shoved back in by an irate Ginny.

Dumbledore's office.

Dear, Dumbledork!

Merry Christmas! How are you on this fine cloudy, winter's day? I'm just lovely. Nagini sends her greetings and says that she dearly misses roaming around Hogwarts and eating your lemon drops. As a Christmas gift I'll give you a little song, It's quite fun, just tap the paper once with you wand!

Lord Voldemort

Dumbledore felt his wand tapping the paper and cringed, but there seemed to be not ill effects, that is, until music began to fill the air. Fawkes let out an indignant screech and disappeared in a burst of flame. _I love you, You love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from you to me, won't you say you love me too. I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from you to me, won't you say you love me too? I love you,…_

Dumbledore hurriedly tapped the parchment with his wand once again hoping that this would make the music stop, and winced as a different tune began, this was more… bouncy. _Dance your cares away, worry's for another day, let the music play, down at fraggle rock. Work your cares away, dancing's for another day, let the fraggles play, we're Gobo, Mokey, Webley, Boober, Red. Dance your cares away, worry's for another day, let the music play, down at fraggle rock, down at fraggle rock. Dace your cares away…_

Dumbledore looked at the parchment in fear and tapped in once again, hoping for something better_. Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away, on my way to where the air is sweet, can you tell me how to get, how to get to sesame street? Come and play, Everything's A-OK, Friendly neighbors there, that's where we meet, can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away, on my way to where the air is sweet, can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?_ That on gets on your nerves, Dumbledore thought as he tapped the parchment, hoping for some opera music.

Dumbledore smiled, a piano, something seemed right._ It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor…_ Dumbledore positively _hit_ the parchment with his wand.

_I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from you to me, won't you say you love me too? I love you…_ Dumbledore shouted 'no!', and in a fit of panic, fled from his office with his letter following along, singing merrily.

At Riddle Manor

Lord Voldemort pushed the sleeping Death Eater off of his foot, not caring too much to curse him, he just needed a hang over potion. Now. Getting to the potion cabinet, he cursed very loudly.

"NOTT!" he called in a higher than usual tone.

"My Lord?" Nott asked, teetering from side to side as he stumbled towards the Dark Lord.

"Hangover potion. Where is it." Lord Voldemort asked fingering what he hoped was his wand.

"Hangover potion?" Nott asked blankly.

"Forget it! I have things to do. Do you know where that large jug of poison is?" Voldemort asked, glaring at his loyal follower with scarlet eyes.

"Poison?" Nott asked blankly.

Voldemort glared at Nott once again, before leaving in a swirl of wrinkled robes. _Such incompetent fools that I employ. Is it too much to ask that they keep a simple hangover potion in stock? And where is that jug of Vodka I labeled poison? I needed that! Maybe I should get them all really, really drunk, adopt Harry and portkey the Death Eaters to the ministry. It could work.. Now where is that secretary? _

Voldemort's eye's feel upon Nagini, who had a large bulge in her middle that seemed to be the size of his former secretary. _ Why? Why? Why must the snake eat the only good help I've managed to get in the past week? Now all the forms and invitations and death threats are going to pile up. Now I have to draft a new want ad for the prophet, and give them money, and I don't even know if we can afford it! Why must the snake make things so comploicated? Why?_

Hermione looked around the room. It was done. Everything was ready. Surprisingly all before ten o'clock. Being a witch did have it's advantages. Now all she had to do was.. buy the muggle food. "Ginny! I'm going to go get food now!" Hermione called.

"Bye!" Ginny called from her room.

"Hey, Hermione, could you get some of those muggle sweets that Tom likes?" Harry called from his room where he was, surprisingly, working on a potions essay with Draco.

"Fine!" Hermione said, and with a slight pop, she apparated to an alley in London.

Seeing a Woolworth's she decided to go there because it was likely that they would have what she needed. And hour and a half later and about two hundred pounds lighter, Hermione left Woolworths. Ducking into the alley, she shrunk her bags and then went into boots, after all, she maight as well get a few things there.

"Hermione!" A somewhat familiar voice called. Hermione turned and she her old best friend, Peggy.

"Peggy! It's so nice to see you,. It's been so long!" Hermione said hugging her friend from long ago.

"I know!" Peggy exclaimed, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "How long are you going to be in London for?" Peggy asked, eyeing Hermione up and down.

"Until five." Hermione replied, glancing at her watch. She had six hours left.

"Do you want to go and get something to eat? I'll pay." Peggy said, feeling for her wallet.

"Sure, I've got plenty of time." Hermione replied, feeling for her own wallet. "I pay for my half though. Do you still like Chinese? I know of a good Chinese place." Hermione said.

"Lead the way!" Peggy replied, and Hermione did so, and the two girls ate a good Lunch of Chinese food and spent the rest of the day shopping.

"Peggy it was nice seeing you, but I should be getting home before any of my family calls."

"You never said, why are you in London?"

"I decided to come down here instead of going skiing with my parents this winter." Hermione replied as they came to an intersection.

"I go this way." Peggy said motioning to the right.

"And I go this way." Hermione said, pointing in the opposite direction. Peggy hugged Hermione and then crossed the street. Hermione smiled at her old friend, and ducked into an alleyway. After casting a few illusions on her things, after all there were a few minute last gifts in there.

"There you are Hermione!" Ginny said. "Did you get it all?"

"Yeah, and I got more than that." Hermione said.

"Good, now I've got to go and tell Ron Merry Christmas through the floo from Gryffindor Tower, ad I'll be back." Ginny said, hurrying towards the entrance.

Hermione nodded absently, and she started unpacking the bags.

A pair of cold hands covered her eyes and a cold high pitched voice whispered in her ear, "Guess who?'

"Uncle Tom!" Hermione said grinning as she turned and gave her mother's brother a hug.

"Is there anything I can help with Hermione?" Tom asked his niece.

"Yeah, you could mix the punch please? For some reason Ginny wanted to do it in a big bowl." Hermione said, arranging muggle snacks on a tray artfully.

Unfortunately, she didn't notice Tom adding something of his own to the punch, nor did she notice Tom slipping out into Hogwarts Proper to do some spellwork.

"Hermione!" Harry called. "Do you still have your essay on the properties of Moonstones and their something something something?"

"I think so, it's in my room." Hermione replied, leaning against the door frame. "Why do you need it?"

"Because I need to know the properties of the moonstone and I know that you essay will cover it better than any text." Harry replied.

"Actually there is a book that covers it nicely." Hermione grinned, and pulled out a shrunken book. "It's very accurate and I think you will like it."

Harry accioed the book and returned it to its normal size. He cringed when he saw that it was half a foot thick.

"Harry the book is made up of ten pull out sections. Eleven counting the index. Once you've found the section that you want, just turn to the first page and tap it with your wand." Hermione said before disappearing.

"I must find the author of this book and congratulate her on making such a wonderful book." Draco said.

"How do you know it's so good?" Harry asked Draco. "I have my own copy, I just don't have it here. Nott stole it I believe."

"Draco, there are a number of charms embedded in that book, all you have to do is summon it and it should return to you." Hermione said.

"How do you know that?" Draco asked, coming to the doorway.

"The Ravenclaws got ahold of my copy and I told them to go and but their own. But it seemed that the price was too high for them." Hermione said.

"I did find the price a little high at first, but looking at it I find that it is well worth it." Draco said. "Did you know that Snape is considering using it for a potions textbook?"

"Really?" Hermione asked, eyes aglow.

"Really." Draco confirmed.

"Does he have a copy of it?" Hermione asked.

"No, he has been borrowing mine." Draco replied.

"I've got to go and do something." Hermione said, rushing off.

Professor Snape was in his potions classroom, strengthening the protection charms when there was a knock on the door. "Enter."

He cringed as he saw Hermione Granger, one of the errant Gryffindor's coming into his classroom. "Professor, I am dreadfully sorry to bother you, but Draco said that—"

"Draco said?" He asked, his cold voice somewhat interested.

"Yes, Draco said, I believe that I made it clear that it was Draco speaking when I began with 'Draco said." Hermione snapped, before realizing her mistake.

"'_Silenco_' I am a Professor, Miss Granger, and by being a Professor that commands a certain respect, which you have become completely unable to reach. I believe a detention would be in order." Snape said.

Hermione glared at him.

"Oh yes the charm." Snape said, and whispered a '_finite incantum_' and he watched as Hermione changed into a completely different person. Hermione's warm brown curly hair was a long sheet of black hair with a little wave going through it. Hermione did not look to be sixteen anymore. She looked more like twenty. In her left nostril, a small little diamond stud now resided there. Hermione's robes had apparently been an illusion, because she not only had a small amount of black eyeliner trailing down her cheeks, but a tight black top on that accentuated her curves, which the professor noted seemed to all be in the right places. Along with a short black mini skirt.

"Excuse me Professor, it isn't nice to stare." Hermione said, conjuring a set of robes, and pulling them on.

"What have you done to yourself?" Professor Snape asked, the detention completely slipping from his mind.

"Nothing that a time turner in my third and fifth years couldn't do anything about. I turned sixteen in the start of my fourth year. And in the beginning of this year, I turned twenty." Hermione said. "anything else?" She asked.

"Yes." The professor said. "Why did you come down here madam?"

Hermione laughed. "I am still Miss Granger, But I can address you as an adult, as you could address me, but it wouldn't be safe. I came down here to give you a copy of this book." Hermione said, setting the simply titled '_Components of Potions_' on a desk.

"Miss Granger, are you aware of the cost of this book?" Professor Snape said, staring at it.

"Yes I am well aware, and I did not wish for it to be so high, but they insisted. It only took two years to write." Hermione said before leaving the Potions classroom.

Snape stood there for a full fifteen seconds before recovering himself, and he walked quickly towards the entrance to where he had found Draco a while ago. He would talk to Draco about this.

Dumbledore was walking through the halls trying to escape the blasted singing when he caught sight of Tom Riddle and Hermione walking together, and arguing.

"I don't care if Trewanley annoyed you as a child, you can't go and prank her classroom. And the same goes for Dumbledore. But you may go and apologize to Hagrid for framing him in your youth."

"I don't want to Hermione!" Tom protested. "Dark Lords just don't apologize! We prank!"

"NO, pranksters prank, Dark Lord's murder. So what are you? A Dark Lord, or a Prankster?" Hermione asked.

"Both?" Tom asked.

"You can't be both." Hermione said, panting slightly, as she said the password louder than she intended to.

Hermione and Tom disappeared from sight and Dumbledore smiled grimly as he told the portrait the password and entered. Minutes later, Professor Snape followed them through the portrait and down the thousands of steps.

"There you guys are!" Harry said. "It nearly time. You should be getting ready. Hermione you can go and get ready, I'll take Tom and get him ready." Harry said, tugging Tom towards his room.

"This is a costume party? Tom asked, trying to escape Harry's grip, but not succeeding.

"I guess someone didn't read their invitation properly." Harry said. "It's okay, we have the perfect costume for you."

"You do?" Tom asked. " Can I be Voldemort? Can I? Please?"

"No." Harry said firmly. "You can be St. Nicholas."

"Who?" Tom asked blankly.

"Santa." Harry replied.

"No!" Tom said.

"Fine then, I'll use the alternate idea." Harry said, smiling at Tom.

"I don't like that look." Tom said, eyeing Harry warily.

"Too bad you can't get away." Harry said.

Fred and George Weasley arrived in a decorated, but empty room. "Hello?" One of them called while the other busied himself with fixing the punch.

"In a minute!" Ginny called.

"Okay!" Fred replied, before sitting down on a char and arranging his skirts artfully.

Ginny came in, and was taking a sip of her butterbeer, when she caught sight of her brothers.

"Ginny!"

"Eww! I like butterbeer, but not that much!"

"Sorry! But you could have given me some warning." Ginny said, eyeing her brothers.

"Well, the invitation said costume party."

"And these are costumes."

"Yes, just wait until Mum and Dad see pictures." Ginny said, eyeing her brothers.

"Ginny? What are those?" Draco asked, pointing at Fred and George.

"That would be my brother's idea of a costume." Ginny said.

"Oh."

"ahem." Harry said from the doorway, successfully getting everyone's attention as all the heads in the room turned to him.

"I would like to present our Christmas tree, Tom!"

Tom came walking out of the entry way, wearing a lot of tinsel, flashing lights, and Christmas decorations. Harry had scrawled Merry Christmas across his face. Ginny immediately burst out laughing.

"Nice one Harry." Fred and George said in unison.

Hermione came out and groaned. "Harry what did you do to my Uncle?"

"He forgot a costume." Harry said, "Now I have to go and find mine.

"Okay." Hermione said

Harry grinned at Hermione as he returned to his room.

"Draco?" Severus asked warily, looking at the doorway that he had found…. He shuddered, he really didn't want to think about that. Ever.

"Severus?" Draco asked.

"Yes?" Severus asked in reply.

"Come in! I'm a but short of time, as I've got to be going to a party soon, but we have time for a quick chat." Draco said, running a comb through his hair.

Severus entered the room and he jumped a good foot in the air with an accompanying squeak. A very loud and high pitched squeak that sounded positively female. "what have you done?" Severus asked his favorite student in horror.

Draco's blonde hair as now a deep shade of black and parted down the middle. Draco was dressed in black and looked a lot like the sort of person mother's would pull their children away from. On his shirt there was a pattern of skull and crossbones that sort of shimmered in the light, and his pants were huge with a lot of shiny zippers. Draco pulled on a jacket, a leather biker jacket and said, "What do you think?"

"That better not be permanent." Severus growled, getting over the shock of seeing Draco.

"It's not. The party is a costume party, and I just decided to go as a biker Goth sort of person." Draco replied, hitting Severus with a charm the went unnoticed.

"Ah. Where is this party?" Severus asked, feeling slightly different. The feeling increased two fold as he was hit with another charm.

"Where, it's just in one of my friend's quarters, would you like to come?" Draco asked politely.

"I don't believe I will, after all it is a costume party and I don't have a costume." Severus said.

"Actually, Professor, you do." Harry said from behind him, and the professor looked down at himself.

"Please tell me you do not see what I see." Severus asked.

"IF you're not seeing a pink bunny rabbit suit, then no, I don't see what you see." Harry shrugged. "C'mon, Hermione's getting restless. Tom forgot his costume too, Professor, so we had to come up with one for him too. Don't feel bad."

"Harry! Draco! If you two don't get you behinds over here this instant, I will never touch you again!" Hermione shouted down the corridor that led to Draco's rooms.

Draco looked At Harry who laughed as Draco began running.

"Don't even think of escaping Professor. The costume is timed, it will go away when the party is over." Harry said.

Severus whimpered as he could hear music getting louder. "What is that?" He asked.

"That would be…. Tom's favorite muggle song." Harry replied, entering the room from which the music burst forth.

Severus saw a red something coming at them and hurriedly stepped away in a swirl of pink bunniness. Harry suddenly found himself shoved against the wall with Ginny in a very nice red dress that didn't clash at all with her dress.

"If you ever ditch me at a party again…" Ginny said threateningly, and the she turned away, going over to converse with the Christmas tree in the corner.

"Come on Tom. You can't hide forever. I could always get you a date." Ginny said smirking.

"There's no one my age who is still available." Tom grumbled, looking out over at the party which was in full swing.

"Yes there is." Ginny said. "I know one person who was at Hogwarts the same time you were, likes dangerous creatures, is perfectly available.."

"No! Never! Not in a million years! I'd rather marry a Death Eater instead of… Ewwww…." Tom trailed off, not noticing the smirk that Ginny had gotten half way through his little rant.

A half hour into the party, some sharpies floated out into the room with notice-me-not charms heavily put on them. Another half hour later, many people were just starting to notice the writing and laughing. Fred and George had Thing #1 and Thing #2 written on their faces.

Professor Snape had taken up residence by he punch table reasoning that with the Weasley twins here, it was definitely spiked.

"Miss Granger! What are you doing!" Severus asked as she sat on his lap. He then realized that she had been drinking a lot of the punch, and it made much more sense as she started to speak.

"Hey, Santa. For Christmas I really want a book about," She paused and then whispered something in his ear.

Severus blushed and got more punch and drank it hurriedly, not noticing that Hermione had been replaced with a woman in an old style dress. Squinting, he realized that it was not a woman, but Fred, or maybe George.

"Santa, all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth." Fred said proudly, then collapsed in laughter against Severus who pushed him away, and Severus made to hide but was stopped by a red head wearing a loincloth.

"Hello Professor. How are you today? This is such a strange dream, isn't it?" Ron asked politely.

"Yes." Severus said, grabbing more of the punch.

"Oh, look! Refreshments!" Ron exclaimed and made for the punch.

Hermione broke free of Harry and Draco's restraining grips, and stalked after Ron.

Tom giggled gleefully. "I told you she'd like my Christmas present." HE said, before taking a little more to drink. "The best part is that he thinks he dreaming."

Draco and Harry glared at Tom. Then Harry spoke up. "You will be dealing with the results."

"Yes, you will be." Draco said, before settling down with Harry to watch why one never cheated on Hermione.

Hermione squeezed past Angelina in a tuxedo and tapped Ron on the shoulder.

"Hermione! How jolly good to see you! You look rather stupid I might add. Whatever possessed you to dress up like that?" Ron asked. "On don't bother answering, it's a dream, and it's my dream, so you'll probably just tell me that I'm right like always and then fall at my fee and beg to be…" Ron continued saying things that Hermione would never do as Snape watched on in amusement.

"Ron come here." Hermione waggled her finger suggestively. "Let me tell you a little secret."

Ron nodded eagerly, and put his ear by Hermione's mouth. He forget one very important thing. Hermione has—

"_OOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!_"

Teeth. And knees.

Ron jumped away, bent over a rather sensitive organ that just had a rather unpleasant shock delivered to it. (She kneed him in the nuts, to put is less eloquently.)

Snape grinned and even chuckled a little. Seeing that Hermione wasn't yet finished, he leaned a little closer to watch.

"I didn't spend enough time with you? I didn't give you enough attention?" Hermione asked dangerously.

Ron's Gryffindor courage, or stupidity, either one, kicked in. "Yes. We were dating, I told you that I loved you, and all you did was say okay and then leave me alone for the rest of the night, doing your homework or vanishing with Harry." Ron said. "I know that Harry wouldn't do anything, but with the Slytherin ferret missing,"

"Detention, Mr. Weasley, Potions Classroom tomorrow at eight. A weeks worth and it will be quadrupled if you miss all seven days. " Snape said.

"Okay, Like I'd miss it for the world." Ron said, turning to Snape and the back to where Hermione had been. "Hermione?' He asked.

"Behind you." Hermione said just before Ron noticed that he wasn't standing anymore. He was floating. And getting higher by the moment.

An hour later Ron quit yelling and watched the fish in the underground lake in the cave that he was stuck to the roof of with a permanent sticking charm. He wondered what the fish ate.

"Please can I go and laugh at him?" Tom asked Hermione.

"No." Hermione replied.

"Hermione could we go and put ice under his.." Fred and George laughed before continuing. "Loincloth?"

"No." Hermione replied, pulling the blanket a little tighter around her.

"Hermione can I go and dump water on him?" Draco asked.

"No." Hermione said.

"Miss Granger, May I go and set him free?" Dumbledore asked.

"No." Hermione said.

"Hermione can I go and laugh in his face?" Tom asked.

"No." Hermione replied, picking a cookie up off of the tray that floated by.

"Hermione, can I go and tickle him?" Ginny asked.

"You want to touch him?" Hermione asked, incredulous.

"Rictempusa." Ginny replied. (I hope I spelled that right.)

"Oh. No." Hermione replied.

"Hermione can I go gloat that I have you and he doesn't?' Draco asked.

"Of course you can." Hermione said.

"Okay." Draco replied, and smirked smugly and got up to go and gloat.

"But you may not." Hermione finished, grinning smugly in Draco's direction.

"Hermione, may I go and annoy Ron?" Harry asked.

"No." Hermione replied.

"May I go and taunt Ron until he cries like a little girl?" Tom asked hopefully.

"You want to taunt him for two seconds?" Hermione asked amazedly.

"Yes." Tom replied. "Wait…"

"The answer is still no." Hermione said.

"fine." Tom replied.

"Why don't we go swimming?" Harry suggested.

"No." Tom said.

"Why?" Harry asked in reply.

"The punch was spiked." Three voices said at once.

"I knew it!" Professor Snape exclaimed, still in the blasted pink bunny suit.

"Oh, look! A fifteenth century candy dish full of lemon drops!" A voice exclaimed from the corner.

"Hey!"

"When did you get here?"

"Professor?"

"Which one of you invited him?"

"On, no one, I followed Severus, I must say the punch was quite good. I think I'll have some more." Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Order of Merlin First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwup, International Confederation of Wizards, was drunk.

Dumbledore finished getting some punch and then said, quite calmly, "Lemon drop Severus?"

Hermione looked From Fred to George and to Tom, and then back to Fred. She shook her head. "Never again will there be an open punch bowl at any party. Never again. Ever."

"Of course Hermione." Tom said, laughing a little.

"Yes Mum." Fred and George chorused.

"You wait until I tell Molly…" Hermione said threateningly.

Fred and George both collapsed at Hermione's feet and began kissing her shoes. "Never again, O honored Goddess."

"We live to serve you."

"Please do not tell Our mother."

"We live to serve."

Hermione looked down at her shoes and sighed. "Those two will never grow up."

"Hey!" Fred exclaimed.

"We resent that!"

"We've grown up plenty."

"I started at seventeen inches long."

"And I started at Seventeen and a half"

"And now I'm much higher than that"

"Of course we never said anything about being more mature that we were at three."

"But we've grown up plenty!" Fred and George finished.

Hermione snorted unbelievingly and said, "We should let Ron go. Dump him in the halls for Flich."

Hermione's statement was met with general agreement, and they hauled Ron and Dumbledore out and left both of them in the halls, near the Great Hall where they would be found soon. When they returned, they found that Snape hadn't left as they had thought, but had merely, fallen asleep behind one of the couches. They left him there, along with a note and a hangover potion. Draco ended up sleeping on one of the couches because he fell asleep there. Tom went back to his manor, taking with him the magical tape he had made of the evening Muggle technology was so much fun.

Okay, thanks for all the reviews, and I'm sorry that this took so long to get done, and I'm not entirely pleased with it, but I decided that I should put the Christmas party in there, and I think that I could have done better, but this is the eighth time I've written this, so I sort of gave up completely on it. Thank you for all the reviews, the sheer amount amazes me.

Big thanks goes to **Surarrin** who told me that this chapter was good and that would be able the only reason you're reading it now.


	9. Mindless Babble

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Nine - Mindless Babble

Dear Lord Voldie-kins,

Thank you ever so much for the Christmas Card. The Death Eater's rendition of Jingle Bells and 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall were quite lovely. The enclosed card with the rampaging Hippogriffs on it is for you and the other with the Santa is for the Death Eaters.

Malfoy

SMILE!

D. Malfoy-

Thank you for the card, it is quite lovely. I hope that you enjoyed your holidays and that the upcoming week of school goes well.

-T. Riddle

FINE. DON'T SMILE. SEE IF I CARE.

T. Riddle-

Are you Lord Voldemort's new secretary? You have very nice handwriting.

-D. Malfoy

HAVE YOU SMILED?

D. Malfoy-

No, I am Lord Voldemort himself. But by signing myself as T. Riddle, people such as nosy headmasters are less likely to find out you are corresponding with the Dark Lord.

-T. Riddle

YOU REALLY SHOULD.

T. Riddle-

Oh. Out of curiosity, why did you not kidnap me and force the mark on me over the winter holidays?

-D. Malfoy

POLLY WANNA CRACKER?

D. Malfoy-

Was I supposed to? Ever since Nagini ate my latest secretary I've been doing it myself. I missed my appointment with a Ms. Rowling, I know the meeting was important, something about me being a character in a movie or something.

-T. Riddle

POLLY BIT ME.

Dear Ginny,

How are you? Did you remember to give Harry his gift? Did he cry? IF he did, you better have picture of him crying for me. Ah, I can see it now, an enlarged photo of the crying boy-who-refuses-to-die right over my mantle. Could you get him to sign it too?

-Lord V.

POLLY WOULD MAKE A NICE DINNER.

Lord V.,

It slipped my mind, but I'm giving it to him tonight with Draco at the ready with a camera.

-Ginny

POLLY FLEW AWAY.

Dearest Ginevra-

I was not serious. Actually Sirius Black is Sirius. But a photo of his reaction could be lovely. Especially when Lily starts chewing him out about associating with his parents murderer. She yelled at me for three days straight!

-Thy humble servant

SO.

Mr. My Snake is bigger than yours

You're right Lily can yell. You will find enclosed, three pictures of Harry crying, one of him gaping at the portrait, note the rude gestures that going with Harry's first chewing out, one of a drunk Dumbledore, one Snape in a pink bunny suit, one of Hermione getting out of the shower, one of Draco's camera being smashed by Hermione, and one of Creevy crying over his smashed camera.

-Ginevra, the one who can commune with snakes

HOW HAS YOUR DAY BEEN?

Ginevra Molly Weasley-

I fail to see the comical value of the name Mr. My snake is bigger than yours. And could you give Draco this portkey to the fifth level of the Zoo of Death where I keep Westley? Thank you.

-Mr. My snake I bigger than yours

MINE'S BEEN SO-SO.

Mr. My snake is bigger than yours,

I won't give him the portkey, I'm sorry. But could I borrow Westley? Buttercup _so_ does not deserve him. Pirates are nummy, aren't they? You don't understand the name do you?

-GMW

SORT OF BORING, ACTUALLY.

GMW-

No, I don't really understand the name, care to explain? Westley is MINE. And you're absolutely correct, Buttercup does not deserve him at all. She _pushed _him down the hill for heaven's sake.

-Mr. My snake is bigger than yours

DO THESE ANNOY YOU?

Mr. My snake is bigger than yours

The name refers to the size of, to borrow a phrase from the glossary of the book, _Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging_, your how's your father. If I can't have Westley, is the current Dread Pirate Roberts available? Actually, the name just means that your snake is bigger than anyone else's. Maybe.

-GMW

HOW TRUE…

GMW-

You mean to say that that name is referring to the size of my snake? I really don't see the humor in that. May I please kill Draco? He was taking picture of Hermione! Please?

-TMR

I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS FOR THESE.

TMR-

What's wrong with taking pictures of Hermione?

-GMW

MAYBE I SHOULD STOP.

GMW-

Nothing, except for he was taking them when she was getting out of the shower!

-TMR

BUT THEY'RE FUN.

TMR-

I can see how you would be upset. Have you seen these photos?

-GMW

I HAVE AN EGG.

GMW-

No! I am not interested in viewing photographs of my niece in various states of undress!

-TMR

IT'S A VERY OLD EGG.

TMR-

Whoa! Let's back this train up. Where did you get the idea that Draco was taking pictures of Hermione 'in various states of undress'?

-GMW

MAYBE I SHOULD SEE IF IT CAN FLY.

GMW-

Back the train up?? You distinctly wrote that it was a photo of Hermione getting out of the shower!

-TMR

IT MIGHT LAND ON MY NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE THOUGH.

TMR-

So I did, so I did. Don't you know that your niece is the founder of the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. SPEW for short. I'll ask her to send you a pamphlet.

-GMW

BUT I DON'T REALLY LIKE MY NEIGHBORS

GMW-

Got the pamphlet. Sent Hermione two sickles to shut her up. What is this spew stuff?

-TMR

MAYBE I SHOULD FIND SOME EXTRA TOLIET PAPER.

TMR-

SPEW She's met a total of two house-elves. Dobby, the Malfoy's former elf, and Winky, who used to belong to the Crouches. She wants them to have decent living conditions, wages and something else.

-GMW

FOR THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM.

GMW-

Okay then. Why did this come up?

-TMR

OR MAYBE JUST RON'S BED.

TMR-

Because Hermione cleans her own shower, and the photo of her getting out of the shower was one of her finishing cleaning it. Draco go the camera smashed because it was Creevy's and the camera annoys them. Okay?

-GMW

BUT RON'S A GRYFFINDOR.

GMW-

Okey-dokey.

-TMR

TRUE.

Dear Lord Voldemort,

Thank you very much for getting the portrait of my parents for me. It occurred to me that you usually make one attempt to kill me each year. Any suggestions?

-Harry Potter

I COULD DO RON'S BED AND THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM.

Harry Potter-

You are welcome for the portrait, your mother yelled at me for days. They have a frame here too, so they can bring messages, and yell at me. If you want, you could make a one way connection into the schools network of portraits. I'm not exactly sure how, but you can owl Lucius Malfoy. Although it could be risky, Vi, that nosy portrait in the room off the great hall, might bother you. And as for the Annual attempt to try and kill Harry, you come up with something. I've had to come up with things for the past five times! IT'S YOUR turn.

-Lord Voldemort

OR NOT, TOLET PAPER COSTS MONEY.

Lord Voldemort-

I will owl Lucius once I finish putting protective charms on my owl. Why don't I just come over for tea or something. I'm sure that you could arrange to kidnap me on a Hogsmeade weekend. But then what would you do with me?

-Harry Potter

WHICH I DON'T HAVE.

Potter-

I have no idea of what I would do with you. I could always torture you, but that doesn't really seem appropriate, especially since we're friends. Do you think that you could get Hermione to go and get some more of those muggle sweets? Lockhart snuck in and ate them. He tried to oblivate me, but Nagini knocked him over the head with her tail. She said that he was too disgusting to eat.

-Lord. V.

AND I'M DONE.

Lord V.-

I went and got your sweets, and you'll find enclosed some of Fred and George's latest. Why don't you use Lockhart as a Test Bunny next time he sneaks in? Torture doesn't really seem appropriate, but Hermione hit Ron with a tickling charm from across the hall today. Everyone know that she did it, but she wasn't punished because Ron had apparently bee making 'inappropriate advances on her'. Everyone's wondering how Ron managed to Write 'I'm a prat' in Dumbledore's hand writing across his forehead. Dumbledore himself found it quite funny, but he did not notice the writing across the back of his robes.

-H. Potter

H. Potter-

How interesting. I think I've realized what I'll be doing to you. Which Hogsmeade weekend is convenient for you? Do you prefer your tea with cream or not? None of the Death Eaters drink tea very much and they don't use cream, so shall I have the elf purchase some for you? Also, the enclosed cookies are not poisoned, as I have eaten three of them and not died yet. They are very good, I think that they are oatmeal raison. The enclosed Pringles have the house elves put out along the dinner tables, and whatever you do don't touch them.

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

Thank you. I must study now, but why not may third? And I do take cream in my tea if possible. Maybe you could buy those little scones that have blueberries in them?

-H. Potter

H. Potter-

Will do. How'd you like the Pringles?

-Lord V.

Lord V.-

I'm taking over the writing for the moment. The Pringles were very nice. They flocked around Professor Snape's nose. It was very funny watching him try to get them away. They'd land on his head or something and he swat at it and the pieces would make smaller flying Pringles, and he'd try to curse them with his wand. Ron Tried to eat one, but it flew away and got more Pringles and they attacked Ron. It looked like they were biting him. Dumbledore got one on his finger and was feeding it, but then it decided that Dumbledore Fingers would make a better meal. Then in Charms, we got to learn how to give objects free will to fly about like the Pringles did. I think that Flitwick will be keeping them for pets, he had a dish of food out for them that they were eating. Why were the Pringles eating?

-Hermione

Hermione-

They were eating because they needed energy to attack. They make good messengers though, but they leave little Pringle-poop all over the place. Also, you can train on to attack certain people, like, Severus, Dumbledore and Ron. Did that do anything to cut down on what he eats?

-Uncle Tom

Uncle Tom-

Nope, but I was researching the charms and I've managed to make his plate cause any food on it to disappear and walk away. How are thing going for you? Have you met any nice girls?

-Hermione

Mother-

Things are going quite well. My Death Eaters have made a brewery in the basement. I believe that they are selling it to the local pub. I haven't met any nice girls lately, but I believe that is a bit late in life for me.

-Tom

Tom-

TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE! HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE TONE WITH ME! I AM JUST TRYING TO HELP! THERE ARE PLENTLY OF NICE, SINGLE GIRLS YOUR AGE. YOU"RE JUST NOT LOOKING WELL ENOUGH. YOU NEED TO GET OUT SOME MORE! GO TO PUBS!

-Hermione

Hermione-

No need for the Howler, you embarrassed me in front of my Death Eaters. If you can tell me what sort of woman would be interested in wedding an ex-Dark Lord, I will be surprised. Especially if she is my age.

-Tom

Tom-

Minerva McGonagall. She had a crush on you in your school days, and she isn't married or seeing anyone that I know of. I'm sure that if you explained things to her nicely, she'd at least go on a date with you. You'd make such a cute couple. Although Nagini might eat her in her cat form.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Where did you find out the Minerva and I dated in School?

-Tom

Tom-

You guys dated? I never knew that? All the more reason to hook up with her again.

-Hermione

Hermione-

Are you sure the hat didn't want to put you in Slytherin?

-Tom

Tom-

IT did, but I got into Gryffindor. I found out because on the opposite side of the lake, there is a little sandy beach that the afternoon suns warms, and there, carved into a rock is, "MMcG and TMR forever 1945" And you two were the only people on Hogwarts rosters for 1945 with the right initials. Just owl her, see if she's still interested. But add a few curses to the letter so she can't tell anyone who doesn't already know.

-Hermione

Hermione-

You are a very, very, very smart witch. I will owl her and put the right charms, hexes and curses on the letter, okay? And could you do me a favor and stay away from my spot? I believe I left a few important things there that shouldn't be disturbed.

-Tom

Tom-

You mean the lantern, book of poetry, quill and pink ink?

-Hermione

Hermione-

Yes, yes, yes, and no. The ink was left there by McGonagall, use it to write a essay, it's never ending, but if you dug any deeper, you would have found some questionable propaganda, my black ink, it shimmered in the light, two more diaries tat can't posses people, but can converse, Minerva and I used them, and I think my spare wands are there. Why don't you go and find out?

-Tom

Tom-

Of course.

-Hermione

Tom-

It's all there, and it's all in the box. Unshrink it first. I also found quite a few bits of lost jewelry, watches and such. I am very bust going through the old lost notices trying to see in any may be returned to their owners. So Ginny is now taking over.

Hi! How've you been? I've cursed Ron from behind quite a few times. You'd think that he could figure it out and put a low grade shield up. I mentioned it when I saw him at dinner, and he said that he didn't know how. I told how about the library, but he wouldn't go. I can't remember if we told you, but he broke up with Lavender and he's going tout with some fourth year. And he doesn't like me dating sixth years. I owled mum yesterday and he got a long note about cradle robbing. Quite funny, he turned a lovely shade of maroon when he finished reading it. He matched his sweater perfectly.

-Ginny

Ginny-

How nice.

-Tom

Tom-

I know. So you're abducting Harry on May third? Should he has his homework done first?

-Ginny

Ginny-

It would be nice, because then he could get a few extra days of lazing about if its already done.

-Tom

Tom-

Okay than, I'll tell him. You might want to remind him that you're abducting him this weekend. What time precisely?

-Ginny

Ginny-

I think I'll surprise you guys. Remember you have to fight against me, and It'll only be me, just for fun, and we're the only ones who know about this, the Death Eaters will be off in London, causing mayhem in Knockturn alley. So defenses will be low.

-Tom

Tom-

Good idea. Don't forget to owl Harry.

-Ginny

Ginny-

It went off with this letter.

-Tom

Mr. Potter-

You abduction and tea party with the Dark Lord Voldemort has been scheduled for the Hogsmeade weekend of May Third. I hope to see you there. Transportation will be provided, and all you need to do is be there. Savvy?

Sincerely, Lord Voldemort himself

Lord Voldemort Himself-

Wow, I merit an invitation to and exclusive tea party with the Dark Lord himself. I'm honored! I'll be able to make it, but would it be possible to let me get my shopping done first? I have some important pranking items I must pick up.

-Mr. Potter

Mr. Potter-

Of course, see you tomorrow!

-Lord Voldemort himself

Dear Readers,

And now it is done. This is one of the last chapters, There might be two or three more, and then this will be complete. I am dreadfully sorry for the previous chapter and the great long time it took for me to update. Please don't kill me. Thank you for all the reviews for chapter seven, and it's snowing, so I really gotta go. Like now.

-emikae


	10. Tea With Voldiekins or Silly String & To...

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Ten- Tea With Voldie-kins

The last letter:

Mr. Potter-  
Of course, see you tomorrow!  
-Lord Voldemort himself

On to the chapter!

Voldemort straightened his wig and resisted the urge to rub at his contacts. He hated having to dress up just to kidnap Harry. He had two wonderful surprises just waiting for Harry to arrive. Wincing at his reflection as well as the Gryffindor badge on his chest, he apparated to the outskirts of Hogsmeade.

Might as well go. Hey look! Voldemort thought to himself, A Gryffindor! Wait a seconds, that was not only a Gryffindor, but a Weasley, in specific, the youngest male Weasley. Ducking behind a tree, Voldemort removed his disguises and cast illusions over them that would be visible to everyone except for a few people. Then he walked up behind Weasley.

"Excuse me, but have you seen Lavender? We were supposed to meet at the Three Broomsticks and she never showed up." Voldemort said politely.

"No." Ron said harshly. "You mean you're what she left me for?" He added, looking Voldemort up and down. Well, really just up, because once he get to his face he sort of screeched and… did something he hadn't done since he was in diapers. At least we hope so. "V-v-v-voldemort!" He screeched.

Voldemort looked over his shoulder and around Hogsmeade. "Where?" He asked.

"Right there!" Ron said pointing, and Voldemort stepped aside, and looked where Ron was pointing.

"I don't see him. Maybe you should go to Pomfrey?" Voldemort suggested with eyebrows raised.

"I'm fine, you're Voldemort!" Ron said and in a burst of Gryffindor courage, launched himself at Ron and began attacking him physically.

Hermione and Harry burst out of the shop across the street and pulled Ron off of Voldemort. Ginny was right behind them and she was followed by Draco.

"Ronald Weasley! How dare you attack some poor innocent boy! And accusing him to be Voldemort! Mum is going to hear about this." Ginny said, glaring at her brother. "Would you like to walk with us?" She asked Voldemort.

"Sure." He said, getting up off of the street, watching Ron warily. "Name's Jake by the way.

Ron watched as the others walked off with the Dark Lord. If Ginny hadn't gone with them, he'd have let them get killed. But Ginny was his sister, and no matter how much of a scarlet woman she seemed by not staying in her dormitory, he would follow them.

"That was funny." Ginny was saying to 'Jake'.

"It's hurts though. That weasel can punch." Jake complained.

"Shut up, a cruciatus hurts more." Harry commented.   
"Thanks for the reminder." Voldemort said, dropping the illusions.

Hermione, Ginny, and Draco appeared shocked and were a second too late in getting their wands.

After petrifying them all, he said to the girls and Draco, "A pity, you are all to late. Say your good-byes to Potter because this is the last you will se of him forever. And the Gryffindor Weasel is too late." Voldemort added, stunning Ron.

Voldemort picked up Harry and apparated away, leaving the deserted street with four motionless figures.

"So, cream?" Voldemort asked.

"Of course." Harry said around a mouthful of scone.

"Okay then." Voldemort said. "In a moment, I am going to activate some spells that will make it sound as if I am torturing you. So we really can't talk because it will mess the spells up."

Harry nodded and pulled a piece of parchment out.

_Hello _(Harry is in italics, Voldemort is in normal.)

Hi. Are you enjoying your tea?

_Yes, I am, it is quite lovely._

Good. And the scones? The house elf worked hard on them.

_They are very good._

I am glad. Would you like to take some back to Hogwarts with you?

_That sounds great._

Yes, it does. I like them, I wasn't sure that I'd like them really, because you know, a Dark Lord drinking tea and eating scones with his enemy?

_Doesn't really fit with what one thinks of as a Dark Lord. One thinks more of a sinister fellow wearing a lot of black._

Yes, that would be the stereotypical Dark Lord. I don't like stereotypes, they make getting secretaries hard.

_Really?_

Yes, they just are too scared to go to work. They don't know that I only torture people when they screw up. Then they almost always get eaten by Nagini. Then the new one hears what happened to the one before her and try to run off, being eaten of killed in the process.

_Killed?_

The Death Eaters think that anything without a Dark Mark that runs by them is free game.

_How… nice._

Actually, it's rather annoying. On occasion they've killed on of my visitors, which was rather disappointing, especially when I had not finished talking to them.

_I suppose it would be annoying. Should I feel safe?_

Yes. You're in my private chambers and I'm the only one who can get in here.

_Okay._ _Dumbledore has been driving me insane lately._

Join the club.

_But he shouldn't be annoying me, especially if he wants me to fight for the light. _

Good point. Why do you think he's bugging you?

_Probably he wants to find out where we're hiding._

So tell him.

_Why would I do that?_

I forgot, put it under fidelius charm and have someone who is not the secret keeper tell Dumbledore where you're hiding.

_Sounds good. But who would put the charms up?_

I don't know. This is just an idea, remember.

_True._

I just remembered. I have a thing that I usually do today, in about half an hour, would you like to go with me?

_What is this 'thing'?_

I'd rather not say. It's sort of embarrassing…

_Tell!_

Must I?

_Stop trying to act all elegant. It doesn't work with your face._

What's wrong with my face?

_Nothing….. snake face._

I view that as a compliment.

_You're just weird._

So will you go with me?

_Where am I going?_

It's not really important. I suppose that I could leave you here. I don't think that the Death Eater's will find you…

_Fine! I'll go with you. _

Oh good.

_Will this kill me or otherwise main me for life? I'm rather fond of being able to play Quidditch._

You should be fine. I'm sure that you'll actually have a lot of fun. It might actually improve your quidditch skills.

_Do Dark Lords have fun? And I can play quidditch perfectly well._

Yes, it's called torturing people. Did you know that I've found a perfectly legal way of torturing young children?

_Really?_

Yes, the Americans are actually quite fond of it.

_What's it's called?_

Physical Education. They force the children to change into nasty, sweaty, icky clothes, and make them run around in circles until they can't breathe. Then they might play games. These games normally involve throwing balls at people, dodge ball, I think it's called. They also do a very strange sport, there's an oval shaped ball and they chase after it, and tackle people. Men are forced to wear little tights and run around on the telly.

_And this is an American sport? It's legal?_

Yes, would you like to take a summer trip over there? They're very big on going to the games.

_I like England and Scotland better. _

I think I do too.

_That's good to know._

It's time to leave, come on.

_Okay._

After a few concealment charms, Harry followed Lord Voldie-kins out of the house and down to a building that had strange music and counting emerging from it. They went into a door marked men, and Voldemort conjured a set of sweats for Harry.

"Here, put these on and meet me out there." He said before going into a curtained off stall to change in.

Harry closed his eyes, a sinking feeling in his chest. He suddenly had an idea of why they were here.

"Tom!" The trainer said enthusiastically. "Glad you could make it today. Who's the boy?"

"My grandson. Do you think he could join in today?" Voldemort replied.

"Of course. I'll just get him set up over here." He said, pulling Harry towards a plastic box on the floor.

"Okay then, have you ever done step aerobics before?"

"No." Harry said, trying to back away, shooting daggers with his eyes at Tom.

"Well then. It's easy and you just follow along. Names Dylan by the way. If you fell you can't keep up just do the leg movements, or slow down a little." Dylan said.

Harry nodded and watched as Dylan went to the front of the brightly lit room, his reflection glinting on the hardwood floor.

"Okay then! Let's march in place! Get the blood moving. Lift up those knees. Martha! Great to see you. Let's take it up a notch! On my count, One-two-one-two-one-two! Keep going!" Dylan continued as Harry felt stupid marching in place.

"Keep those arms moving!" Dylan said, as he began to march faster.

Harry looked on and marched, feeling stupid.

"Let's get moving! Step up on one and two, and three and four step down. Punch out your arms. One Two Three Four One Two Three Four." Dylan continued counting, and Harry punched the air in front of him, wondering who came up with this and if they were dead yet.

"C'mon Harry, it's not that bad, is it?" Tom asked from behind him.

Harry glared at the Dark Lord in response.

"A little touchy are we? You'll have to do better than that. May I suggest that you take lessons from Severus? I hear that he has quite the sophisticated glare going these days." Tom said as he stepped up and down, punching the air.

"Lessons? From Snape?" Harry asked.

"Yes, where else do you think you could learn to glare?"

"He doesn't like me. He seems to think that since there were flying Pringles at the party, that they were my idea." Harry said.

"What does that have to do with them?"

"Everything. Since someone enchanted another flock to attack him. They apparently have a nasty bite." Harry said.

"Oh I forgot about that. They tried to eat some sort of potion, and I think it did something to them. Some of them came back, and I think they've begun to breed." Tom said.

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Really. They're in the attic." Tom said.

"Why the attic? Why not the basement?"

"I think Bellatrix left something in the basement. I've been afraid to go down there." Tom said.

"You? Afraid? Is Tommy-wommy-kinns a wittle scaredy cat? Scared of going down into the big, nasty, dark basement?" Harry taunted.

"No." Tom said, glaring, and the red came out into his eyes.

"Don't do that." Harry said, shuddering a little as he was instructed to Step-Kick-punch-step.

"What? Is the big Boy-who-lived who's dueled the Dark Lord _and lived_ afraid of a little glare?"

"Nope. It's just when you glare, the Gryffindor scarlet comes out in your eyes. Maybe you should have made them a more Slytherin color."

"You mean like Emerald green?" Tom asked. "_His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad, His hair is as dark as a blackboard. I wish he was mine, he's really divine, The hero who conquered the Dark Lord._" Tom sang quietly.

"Why, Tom, I didn't know you went that way." Harry said mildly. "And you're quoting someone. It shouldn't count."

"It should too."

"Should not."

"Should too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not"

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Too."

"Not."

"HA! I win."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"And I've won again."

"That's not fair, you're using muggle tricks." Tom said.

"So?"

"I'm the Dark Lord, if you remember. I'm supposed to be killing muggles, not using their silly tricks to win stupid arguments."

"Your point is?" Harry asked, eyebrows raised.

"Argh!"

"It was a silly muggle fight anyway." Harry added.

"Stop it!" Tom said.

"Stop what?" Harry asked.

"Being annoying. I should just kill you." Tom muttered.

"But then Hermione would kill you, and she'd be short one uncle." Harry pointed out.  
"Can't have precious Hermione short of one uncle, that she only learned existed last September." Tom said.

"I win."

"Fine." Tom said.

"No!" Harry whined. "You're supposed to say 'Did not'!"

"Why?"

"Because that's the way it goes." Harry explained.

"Why?"  
"Shut up."

"Why?"

"Because I said."

"Why?"

"Because you're annoying."

"Why?"

"Because you just are."

"Why?"

"You're acting like a three year old."

"Why?"

"Because you know it annoys me." Harry growled.

"Why?"

"Fine, you win."

"Knew I'd win eventually." Tom said smugly.

"Yeah, but I bet the light wins the war."

"Preposterous. The Dark side has already won."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Really. Because the Dark has the saviour of the light held captive, and without him, they have nothing." Tom said.

"OH. What happens if the savior of the light escapes?"

"He wouldn't know how to escape if the directions flashed in front of him."

"Oh. I noticed you have a sign over your window that says 'es-cop-ae. (says it likes it spelled. Not really how it's spelled though.)" Harry commented.

"Really." Tom replied.

"I thought it was funny. It's spelled almost like Escape." Harry replied, and began humming something.

"Will you stop humming!" Tom snapped.

"Okay." Harry replied. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swim, swim, swim. Just keep swimming…"

"Will you shut up!" Tom snapped.

"Okay." Harry said, grinning. "This just keeps going and going, doesn't it? Echo!"

"Have you gone insane?" Tom asked.

"No." Harry said grinning.

"I fail to see what amuses you." Tom snapped.

"You mean you've never seen Finding Nemo?" Harry gasped. "That is the best movie ever. You have to see it."

"Why should I?" Tom asked.

"Because it's so cute! It's the story of Nemo, a little clown fish who is kidnapped by divers, and his father—"

"I never had a father!" Tom sniffled.

Harry grinned. "Neither did I. I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. In order to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food."

"But I like to eat fish!" Tom protested.

"You're not a shark are you?" Harry asked.

"Not the last time I checked." Tom replied.

"Well then, it shouldn't matter. But did you know that some sharks, don't eat fish, they eat plankton?" Harry asked Tom.

"Really?" Tom asked.

"Really." Harry confirmed. "And whales don't eat fish, they eat krill."

"There is something wrong with you." Tom said, moving away from Harry.

"Are you positive you haven't seen Finding Nemo?" Harry asked.

"Yes. Why do you ask?" Tom inquired.

"Because you seem to know the lines pretty well."

"Well, I might have overheard it once or twice. The Death Eaters like the movie and they had the volume turned up pretty loud…" Tom said quietly.

"Really?"

"Yep." Tom said. "Although I have watched Pirates of the Caribbean a few times."

"That's a good one."

"Totally." Tom said in a deep sort of voice, very different from the high pitched one he normally had, when he wasn't out in public of course.

"You scare me sometimes." Harry said, and then he started to concentrate on the step aerobics. Which weren't as easy as they looked.

Back In Lord Voldemort's Office.

"Why do you have a miniature guillotine on your desk?" Harry asked prodding at the item in question.

"I like to eat carrots fresh from the garden. I use it to cut the leaves and the bottom off."

"Why don't you just use a spell?" Harry asked.

"Because there is yet to be a decent carrot peeling spell." Tom replied crankily.

"Oh. I bet Hermione could come up with a good one." Harry said.

"I should ask her." Tom said, scribbling it down.

"I don't care! Just let me in! He's my uncle!" A voice could be heard coming from the outside. Harry ran to the window and Tom followed more slowly.

"Hey Hermione! Up here!" Harry called waving to her. "You here to rescue me?"

"No, I'm here to visit my uncle." Hermione replied as Tom poked his head out of the window.

"You can let her in." Tom said loud enough for the Death Eaters to hear. "Show her to my office."

A few minutes later, Tom and Harry were joined by Hermione and a cat that had accompanied her.

"Hello Uncle. It's been a while since I've seen you." Hermione said giving him a hug.

"Same here." Tom replied, patting Hermione on the shoulder. "You can let go now."

"Fine, see if I ever hug you again." Hermione said. "You know, they're going mad trying to figure out where you have Harry."

"Would you like some tea? Scones?" Tom asked lightly, summoning the house elf. "I've managed to get Moppet to quit making poisoned food."

"That's good." Hermione said. "What sort of scones?"

"Blueberry, I believe." Tom said.

"Yeah, they're blueberry, and you said I could take some back with me." Harry said.

"Fine then. Do you like brownies Hermione?" Tom asked.

"Yes." Hermione replied.

"More importantly, do you know how to make them?" Tom asked.

"From scratch or from the box. I can do both." Hermione replied, shaking her head.

"Whichever you prefer. If you want to do it from the box we could always go back to the village." Tom said.

"It's easier from the box. I can just apparate down there and back." Hermione said.

"Fine, don't get caught. I think we're out of eggs and toilet paper. Do you think you could pick some up too? And some spray paint, preferably in neon green?" Tom asked. "Silly string too."

"Did the Death Eaters have fun last night?" Harry asked.

"Yes they did. I've had to steal toilet paper from the gym, because they used it all. They toilet papered and egged all of Surrey. Would you like to see the pictures?" Tom asked, pulling a large stack of photos from a drawer.

"Not now." Hermione said. "I think I'll just go to my house and get what I need. It'll be easier, and I don't have to go shopping for a bunch of Death Eaters. My parents shouldn't be home, but If they are I'll explain. Can I get through any wards that you have?"

"If you go now." Tom said. "I'll keep them down for you though, so try to hurry."

"Bye." Hermione said before disappearing with a soft pop.

"Now I want to see those pictures. Did you get the Dursleys?" Harry asked, pulling his chair closer to the desk.

"Yes, they really hit that one hard." Tom said. "The best part is that they had left to pick Dudley up, so it'll be there for another day."

"Nice." Harry said flipping though the photos. "We should get this one framed." He said, holding up a picture of Number four. Except you couldn't really tell it was number four because most of it was covered in white strips of toilet paper and eggs and a little silly string here and there. "How rotten were the eggs by the way?"

"They were spelled to keep fresh, so they probably weren't rotten, unless they spelled them rotten." Tom replied. "Which they should have done."

The cat that had come along with them leapt up onto the desk and nosed the pictures, almost as if she were looking through them. Looking at the cat, Harry winced. Something was familiar about her.

"Tom. I don't think that cat is a cat." Harry said.

"Really?" He asked. "What do you think it is, a dragon?" He asked, flipping through some more pictures. "Hey, they used the silly string!"

The cat jumped down and looked sternly at Harry. "What! It's not my fault the Death Eaters decided to vandalize Surrey."

"Who are you talking to?" Tom asked.

"The cat." Harry replied.

"Why?" Tom asked.

"Because Hermione brought Professor McGonagall with her." Harry said and watched as the cat took the form of his transfiguration professor. "Hello Professor." Harry said dully.

"Mr. Potter! Your mother would be ashamed of you! Sitting here consorting with the Dark Lord!" McGonagall began but was cut off by Hermione's arrival.

"Professor! How did you get here?" Hermione asked, holding a small tote bag.

"You brought me." She said smugly.

"I did?" Hermione asked.

"You forgot she can turn into a cat Hermione." Harry said. "So Professor, are you going to join in on the party or drag me back to Dumbledore?"

"I've always been fond of brownies…" She began.

"Excellent!" Tom exclaimed. "Looks like dinner and drinks for four then. Is anyone else coming?"

"No." Harry said eyeing Tom warily.

"What?" He asked, "It's been a while since I've had company. Hermione, would you let the elf take care of the brownies, and then we can do something."

"That sounds fine, I suppose. It's not really that much work. I brought some movies, why don't we watch them?" Hermione suggested.

"What movies?" Harry asked.

"Finding Nemo, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Men in Tights." Hermione said.

"Why don't we watch Men in Tights first? It's been a while since I've seen a Robin Hood movie." Tom suggested.

"Okay then."

Hogsmeade, sometime in the middle of the night.

"Professor? Which way is it to Hogwarts?" Harry asked, swaying back and forth.

"I think it's that way." Minerva replied.

"Yes, that way." Harry agreed.

"Minerva? Why do cats have tails?" Hermione asked, peering blearily at a bush.

"For balance, I think. Why do you ask so many questions Hermione?" Minerva replied.

"I like to know stuff." Hermione said. "It would be nice to know the way to Hogwarts."

"And to know what exactly your uncle put in our drinks." Harry added, trying not to trip.

"I think it was just rum." Minerva replied. "Oh look, there's Hagrid. Maybe he knows the was to Hogwarts!"

"Hagrid!" Harry, Hermione, and Minerva called.

The large man turned and walked over to the group. "Why, if it isn't 'arry and 'ermione. And Minerva. I coulda sworn he-who-must-not-be-named had ye captive. I was out looking fer ye in the bars."

"No, no. He didn't. We were just over for tea. And dinner, and drinks. Lots of drinks." Harry reassured his friend.

"What sort o' drinks?" Hagrid asked.

"Good drinks." Hermione said, nodding her head up and down empathetically before collapsing into a fit of giggles.

"Yer drunk." Hagrid said for confirmation.

"Yep." Minerva said. "Drunk as a drunk in a bar." She paused, frowning. "Wait a second.. I'm not sure if that made any sense."

"Things don't have ta make sense after yer fourth drink." Hagrid reassured them. "I'm pretty sure ye've had more that four."

"Hagrid." Hermione asked, peering up at the man as if she had just noticed him. "Do you know the way to Hogwarts?"

"It's that way." Hagrid said pointing a large hand towards the large, brightly lit, obvious castle.

"Would you like to accompany us to Hogwarts?" Minerva asked.

"Why not." Hagrid said, laughing a little, "Why not."

Dear Readers:

I am terribly sorry for the long wait. I got sick. I had a very high fever, and I had an interesting conversation with Professor Snape while I was sick. I was hallucinating if you didn't pick that up. I don't own Finding Nemo, Harry Potter, and Men in Tights. The next chapter is going to be the last, at least I think so. Thank you for all the reviews, it amazes me how many I've gotten. Also I am very sorry for Hagrid's accent, I don't think I did it very well. I think that's all and please don't kill me for the long wait. If it cheers you up, I have finals to do tomorrow and my final Project for Marine Biology which is nowhere near finished. Review if the urge strikes you.


	11. Correspondence

Disclaimer: Only the plot, which isn't that great, belongs to me. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling. She created it, and I'm just messing around with her toys.

Correspondence

Summary: Harry isn't getting his letters, so he decided to see if Voldemort is intercepting them. A surprising thing happens- Harry starts to make a friendship where he shouldn't. After all, he does have to kill the guy. Right? Mostly told in the form of letters.

Chapter Eleven - Correspondence

Miss Granger-  
Either I had a very interesting dream, or I had a very strange time. Either way, you have detention. My classroom, at seven o'clock. Mr. Potter should come along as well.   
-Professor M. McGonagall

Tom-  
Thank you very, very much. Why couldn't you have just oblivated her? I have detention with Professor McGonagall now. You owe me big time.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
I am dreadfully sorry for your detention. Shall I write your mum about it? Better yet, why don't I come and speak to the headmaster myself about it? I doubt this ruined your chances for head girl. After all, you are a Riddle, and being Heads runs in the family. I was researching my muggle family, and I found that my ancestors traditionally went to Smeltings, and most of them were heads in their time. Right little prats most of them were.  
-Tom

Tom-  
The detention went fine. She wants to know where she could get some of what we were drinking. Apparently her Scottish relatives would like it. Do you think that we could get some too?   
-Hermione

Hermione-  
It's a special brew that the Death Eaters make themselves. Nothing deadly goes into it, it's just very, very good moonshine. You cannot have any because you are too young to be drinking. She can owl me about it, and I'm sure we can negotiate a decent price.  
-Tom

Tom-  
I'm too young to be drinking? This coming from the man who spiked the drinks at the Christmas party, got us drunk nearly a week ago, and should rightly be in prison.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
It's not that, but your mum owled me about not giving you any alcohol, drugs, and muggle sweets.   
-Tom

Tom-  
You're my uncle, it's your job to corrupt me.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
It is? Why did nobody tell me this when I found out I was an uncle?  
-Tom

Tom-  
Ask Harry, he found out, not me.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
Will do. May I curse it?  
-Tom

Tom-  
I though you'd gotten all of your torturing urges out when you kidnapped Harry?  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
I was supposed to do that? Wait a minute, I have to check my day planner. Thank you for that by the way. I finally got it to stop telling me to do my potions homework. Did you charm them yourself? Oh, I was. Who wrote in this anyway? Their penmanship is just awful. I can barely read it.   
-Tom

Tom-  
I did charm them myself. And hexed them. And cursed them. By the way, they're hexed so anyone who isn't you that writes in it gets a very painful rash on their left toe that doesn't go away for three years, eighteen months, three weeks, two days, 27 hours, eight minutes, forty-three and a half seconds. And that's just with the intent to write on it. If they actually wrote in it… Well, you don't want to know.   
-Hermione

Hermione-  
Are you trying to say that I have bad handwriting?  
-Tom

Tom-  
Yes. Why do you ask?  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
No reason. But it's not my fault that the orphanage never taught penmanship. I had to learn from the grocer on the corner, when I was collecting pence pieces to feed to the ducks.  
-Tom

Tom-  
Why did you feed the ducks money?  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
They died, and I'd bring them back, and we'd have roast duck for dinner.  
-Tom

Tom-  
Ew.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
Actually, roast duck is quite lovely. When the skin is golden brown, and it just pulls off.  
-Tom

Tom-  
Okay then. You just do that. But look at the enclosed pamphlet. It might interest you.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
LIVING VEGAN: HOW TO LIVE VEGAN Why? I need meat. Protein is essential. Meat. Steak. Chicken. Pork. Please pass the enclosed pamphlet along to the Headmaster.  
-Tom

Tom-  
LDAA? Why?  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
Did you even look at it? Actually have you ever been interrogated by Dumbledore?  
-Tom

Tom-  
I get it now. I showed it to Harry, and he explained things. I'll pass it on, but I'm keeping a copy of it.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
Of course. I think that he should join. He has a penchant for those things. I don't understand how he can like those and offer them to every little student that waltzes into his office. But I do like the idea of Lemon Drop Addicts Anonymous.  
-Tom

Tom-  
Well it could be worse. Term is over in a few days. I'll be out of reach. My parents are going to take me on a trip, and they're not telling me where to go, but they said that owl post isn't that reliable. Which means that there's probably thestrals around.  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
Sounds likely. I think I'm going to travel. It sounds reasonably fun. Maybe look up a few friends, get closer to other friends. Do you know which Professor McGonagall prefers, the Caribbean or Australia?  
-Tom

Tom-  
I don't know, why don't you ask her?  
-Hermione

Hermione-  
I was just wondering. Last letter. Maybe I'll track you down over the summer, you're of age, I can teach you how to duel! I'm going to have so much fun. At least once I find you that it.  
-Tom

Mr. Riddle!

It is our pleasure to inform you that you have won the annual drawing. Your winnings are as follows, two L. D. E. L. V. I. S. t-shirts, four lemon drops, and eight and a half galleons. Please owl us to confirm the arrival of the owl and to claim your free tote bag!

-The **L**ets **D**rive **E**vil **L**ord **V**oldemort **I**nsane **S**ociety

L. D. E. L. V. I. S.-

I would like the t-shirts and the tote bag, you may keep the lemon drops. Consider it a gift. Any Elvis sightings lately?

-Mr. Riddle

Mr. Riddle-

Oh yes, we saw Elvis chatting with a poor person two days ago. one of our members tried to converse with him, but he disappeared into thin air. If you see him, could you please pass on our regards? Speaking of such, a Mr. G. Lockhart wishes to send you a valentine which was lost in the mail and only recently returned to him.

-L. D. E. L. V. I. S.

P.S. Are you insane yet?

Dear Let's Drive Evil Lord Voldemort Insane Society,

No I am not insane yet, but when It happens rest assured, I will be the first to inform you. Would it be possible to get on of you to be my secretary, I seem to have a problem with them running off. Do not worry about Lockhart's valentine, I am quite fine without it. Maybe you should take him to St. Mungoes?

-The evil Lord Voldemort

Mr. Riddle,

You mean to say we have been corresponding with the evil Lord himself? Oh we are so flattered. A secretary will be arriving very promptly.

-The society

Potter-  
Why did you not inform me that part of an uncle's duties is to corrupt the niece?  
-Voldemort

Voldemort-  
I was never informed myself. I haven't had the best experiences with Uncles. Speaking of uncles, I get to spend the entire summer at Privet Drive. Hermione's traveling, Ron's going to a Quidditch training camp that lasts all summer, and because the Order still thinks you're trying to kill me, I am being guarded.   
-Potter

Harry-  
It's okay. How attached are you to your relatives? If you could would you travel this summer? According to my secretary, your secretary says you have no plans.  
-Tom

Tom-  
I'd leave my relatives in a heartbeat, and traveling would be great. Why are you asking? I have a secretary?  
-Harry

Harry-  
No particular reason. Did you know that Dumbledore just dumped you with your relatives? You don't have to stay with them. Do me a favor, go to their house anyway. Wait for at least a week. Buy some of those muggle sweets, but don't send them, I'll stop by when I get time. I asked Hermione she knows most of what you do and tries to keep your plans in order.   
-Tom

Tom-  
Okay then. I'll buy some as soon as I can. Provided my aunt doesn't work me to death.  
-Harry

Harry-  
She won't, trust me. Don't reply, as I'm betting this just reached you on the Hogwarts express.  
-Tom

Harry looked out the window, grasping Tom's last letter. He smiled, wondering what was in store for him. Looking across the compartment he grinned at Draco.

"You know? You're not going to attack us. That'll be strange. A ride free of annoying gits." Harry commented.

"I doubt it. There still is the Weasel." Draco commented, stroking Hermione's hair.

"True." Harry agreed. "I'll put up locking charms, just to annoy him. He's due here any moment."

"You never said, who were those letters from?" Draco asked.

"Tom." Harry said.

"Who is Tom?"

"Promise not to freak out?" Harry asked.

"Slytherin's honor." Draco said.

"Well, it all started when I wasn't getting my letters last summer." Harry began.

"Wait!" Ginny exclaimed. She jumped up and began rummaging around in her trunk. She pulled out a green leather-bound book with silver lettering on the front that spelled out 'Correspondence' and handed it to Draco. "Read this, it explains everything."

(and I was going to end here, but I had more stuff planned…)

Draco took the book and began to read.

"I had the letters bound into a book." Ginny said. "I charmed them so you have to have permission to read them."

"Okay then. But what about the new letters?" Harry said.

"They can be added in." Ginny said, "I got a good deal with the book binders."

"Okay." Harry replied, and watched Draco's expressions change.

Professor M. McGonagall,  
I heard that you were looking to get some of my moonshine. If you still wish to, please owl back immediately. I am sorry for the delay, we were trying to get the next batch finished in time.  
Sincerely,  
T. M. Riddle

T. M. Riddle,  
Of course. My Scot relatives would enjoy it, and I wouldn't say no to a bit more either. Would it be possible for me to stop by Saturday? I believe I can find the manor back.  
M. McGonagall

M. McGonagall,

That would be lovely. I will be going on a short trip soon afterwards, I have reservations for three, but I only have one person going with me so far. Would you like to come? I hope I am not being too forward, and if I have offended you in any way, please forgive me.  
T. M. Riddle

Tom,

Of course I would go with you. I still remember our school days. Who else is coming?  
Minerva

Minerva,  
A mutual friend is coming. We'll have to rescue him first, but that shouldn't take very long. Hope to see you soon!  
Tom

Tom,  
I can't wait. I feel so silly, I'm all excited like an eleven year old going to Hogwarts for the first time. I wasn't aware that we still had mutual friends. See you tomorrow!  
Minerva

The tabby cat strode right up the walkway of the Riddle Manor, ignoring the Death Eaters that were strewn about snoring. Nosing at the door, it was opened from the inside, and a man who looked cute for his age peered down at the cat.

"Minerva, come in." He greeted the cat. The cat meowed and came in, walking past Tom.

Tom shut the door and turned to find the stern Transfiguration Professor looking at him critically. "So, do I pass inspection?"

"Yes." Minerva said, smiling a little, this was the Tom she remembered.

"Good. This is actually what I look like really, without the snakeface and the demonic eyes." Tom said.

"How nice. Shall we go and pick up that friend?" Minerva asked.

"Of course." Tom said, picking up a small ornament. "This will take us there."

Minerva nodded, and laid a finger on the Slytherin shield, feeling the tug behind her bellybutton, and disappearing.

38 Bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around, 37 bottles of beer on the wall. 37 bottles of beer on the wall—

"You're that bored Potter?"

Harry twisted around in his seat and grinned. "Yes."

"Well then, I'll have to fix that." Tom grinned.

"Okay then. Your sweets are over on the nightstand." Harry said, waving a hand over towards his bed.

"Mr. Potter? Are you even aware of who has just entered your room?" McGonagall asked snappishly.

"Yep. I though he'd probably be coming, but I didn't think you'd be coming too." Harry said.

"Mph..mph" Tom began.

"You're worse than Ron when you do that, you know." He said in Tom's direction.

"Hey! I resent being compared to that thing." Tom protested.

"Well, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full."

"Prat."

"Annoyance."

"Gryffindor golden boy."

"Slytherin."

"Proud of it."

"Snakeface."

"I've told you before, that's a compliment." Tom said smirking.

"Fine, you win." Harry glared at Tom before muttering, "This time."

"I'll be right back." Tom said before leaving the room.

"Tom, are you sure you should go out there?" Minerva asked.

"Positive. You two just sit tight. Harry you should pack your trunk." Tom said before leaving the room.

"Might as well do as he says." Harry muttered before disappearing under the bed.

"So where exactly are we going?" Minerva asked.

"No where in particular, I just thought we'd see as much of the world as possible before September."

"You are aware of the fact that I have to return to Hogwarts two weeks before term begins.:" Minerva said.

"Not really. We can always owl Dumbledore and say that an evil dark lord is holding you captive and using you as his—" Tom was mercifully shut up by a bucket of water being dumped on him. "Thanks" He spluttered.

"Yes, I'd consider it not advisable to finish that sentence of yours, Mr. Riddle." Minerva said smiling a little.

"It's not like I was going to say anything bad." Tom protested.

"You are in the presence of virgin ears." She smirked. "But once the virgin ears leave to go sightseeing…"

Harry winced and hurridley got up. "I'll be fine, I think I'll go and see the pryamids. Fascinating culture the egyptians, yes fascinating." He said nodding furiously.

Tom and Minerva watched Harry walk away. "You are very cruel."

"I know. It's sort of a permant habit now."

"Interesting." Do you think you could break that habit or am I stuck with it for life?"

"I'm not sure. We'll just have to find out." Tom said. "Are you going to let Dumbledore find out?"

"Find what out?" That I'm seeing the Dark Lord, his sworn enemy? Of course I am. Right after you say that Harry Potter is god."

"Actually, I have already done so." Tom said smugly.

"And pigs fly." Minerva countered.

Tom grinned and pulled a small winged pig out of his pocket. "Meet Piglet. I found him after I said 'Harry Potter is God.'" As if to prove his statement, another small pig poppefd out of the air and flew over to Minerva.

"I hate you."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"I swear you two are worse than Hermione and Draco. Just snog and make up." Harry said.

"Hey!" Tom protested. "I resent that tone."

"And what exactly are you going to do about that?" Harry asked.

"Nothing." Minerva replied and grabbed Toms hand. "We are going for a walk." She said and then pecked Tom on the cheek.

"Icky! I'm scarred for life!" Harry said.

"And you weren't paying attention at the tea party?" Tom asked.

"Should I have been?" Harry asked.

"Of course you should have been! You have an insane Dark Lord's followers after your blood. You should always be paying attention." Tom lectured, not noticing that Harry had left.

"Mum!" Hermione called.

"What is it dear?"

"Do you think I could go and write some letters? The birds they have here are remarkably reliable."

"Fine!"

"Thanks, mum!"

Dear Tom-

How is your summer going? Mine is running quite smoothly, except for I am not in the same place for more than a few days. But I am seeing the world, and you should really visit Italy. There are some good books, especially ones that you would like. I bought a few and included a list of the others and where I saw them. Some are muggle and some a wizard. All are good. I've learned a few interesting things, but won't use them on you. At least for now.

-Hermione

Harry-

I hope that Tom has rescued you. And if he made you his ward as he was planning to do, you and I are cousins of a sort. Just thought you'd like to know. I hope to see you soon, perhaps our paths will cross, if not, happy traveling.

-Hermione

Draco-

I hope that you are not too unhappy with the correspondence. Harry started it. If you do not have a home, stay in our place below Hogwarts. Do you think it would make a good permanent home? I think it would do nicely. Although the wards would have to be tweaked. The curses included are to go on the Hogwarts head table and on the gargoyle be Dumbledore's office. They activate with the phrase "Ronnikins is a wuss." That's all, my train is leaving in a few moments. I hope to see you soon!

-Hermione

Professor Snape-

I do so love cursing letters. It is so fun. In 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…3 ½…2…1 You will find yourself changed into a large lion. And now you will find yourself being compelled to walk to Hargid's hut. Enjoy your summer! And now the letter will change into a note to Hagrid.

Hagrid-

I am a poor lonely lion who has not known love. Please take care of me. :sniffle:

-the poor lonely lion

"Well, aren't ye the cutest little thing. C'mon, lets get you introduced ta Fang." Hagrid said, carrying the lion into his hut.

Draco shut the book and smiled to himself. No, he wasn't angry at them, he just wished they had told him earlier. Maybe he should start the letters all over again. Maybe he would. But first, he had to go and set up those pranks. And the small cameras that they had perfected to see the prank happening.

That's all she wrote.

Well, this is the end of Correspondence, and I hope that you found this chapter satisfying. I'm not quite pleased with the chapter, but after eight rewrites, this is what you're getting. My thanks go to everyone who reviewed, and I'm glad that you liked it, I really am.

I don't think I'll be doing a sequel with this, only because I don't think it would work very well.. You all are welcome to take this idea and write it yourself. I won't mind, just mention me in the first chapter or something. And maybe tell me?

Thank you, all of you for reviewing, lots of times it made me laugh, which I really don't understand, but if we compiled a list of what I don't understand it would be very long, and the first thing on it would be me. I'll just shut up now, I think, but thank you for reading, and thank you for reviewing, it's been fun, hasn't it?


End file.
